The Extra Mile
by Ukkie
Summary: After they leave the academy and before they start working as real cops Starsky and Hutch decide to take a vacation together.
1. Chapter 1

The extra mile.

Chapter 1

"You want another beer Hutch?" Starsky had to shout to beheard over the noise in the bar where the former cadets were celebrating their successfully finished exams.

Hutch shook his head "Still have one Starsk." he yelled back lifting his glass to show he wasn't finished yet.

"Keep drinking buddy, you're way behind." Starsky laughed and got himself a new beer.

Hutch took his glass and started walking the brunet's way. When he reached him he said "I want to take it easy tonight, I have other plans and they don't need too much beer"

"Uh uh" Starsky grinned "what's her name?"

"No 'she' Starsky." Hutch grinned back at his new found friend.

"Huh?" Starsky stared at him his face a big question mark "What do ya mean?"

"I thought now we have a week off before we start the real thing, I'd take a vacation" Hutch explained "I'd like to go to the mountains and do some climbing and camping"

"Climbing and camping?"Starsky looked as if he'd just heard something particularly nasty "You're into the nature stuff you mean?"

"Well…yeah. I like to go back to nature once in a while: to relax and find my inner being, maybe find some inner peace you know?"

"Geez Hutch, you sound like some hippy, you know that?" Starsky didn't believe what he heard "I never saw you search for your inner being before."

Hutch chuckled "Maybe because I didn't have time during our training in the academy but now I have some time on my hands I'd like to commence to searching." he grinned and asked "You want to come with me?"

"Come with you? And do what?"

"A few days away from the city and ….."

"You want me to come with you searching for you inner being?" Starsky looked like he was watching water burning "do ya need help with that?" the brunet looked doubtful.

Hutch smiled and shook his head "No, not with that but it would be a great opportunity to get to know each other a bit better. What do you think, just you and me and the great outdoors?"

"I don't know Hutch, I mean I don't know you that well and two guys alone on a camping trip…I do have a reputation to keep up you know."

"And if I promise your virtue is safe with me?" Hutch deadpanned "And that brunettes are not my type"

"Well….."Starsky grinned "if you can promise me that you'll still respect me in the morning I'll think about it."

"Great" Hutch felt happy at the thought of spending some time with his new friend. They had started out on the wrong foot when they first met and Hutch still worried about that sometimes. After they had accepted each other something like friendship had slowly developed between them and Hutch was looking forward to get to know the New Yorker a bit better. He suspected that there was much more to David Starsky than met the eye.

Starsky looked at him and was thinking much the same thing. He still cringed when he thought about the first weeks in the academy and how he'd treated Hutch. 'Just because you made me think about some asshole from the past.' he thought 'How could I ever have seen someone so twisted in you? What were you thinking Davey?'

He shook his head and said "I know nothing about the outdoors Hutch and I sure as hell ain't gonna climb any mountain." He shrugged "If you have some other plans I'm willing to go, but no climbing."

"No climbing? But Starsk, that's just the icing on the cake."

"Well… no icing for me then." Starsky answered "the cake will be more than enough thanks."

"Okay, no climbing then. But you don't know what you're missing friend. It's so great to climb and look out over the world" Hutch's eyes were glistening just at the thought of climbing a mountain and he was a bit disappointed that he wouldn't be able to share that fantastic experience with his new friend.

"I don't wanna know what I'm missing. I think that going camping is more than enough outdoors for me."

"Oh you're gonna love it buddy, I'm sure of that."

"Hmm. We'll see. When were you planning to leave?"

"Tomorrow morning," Hutch chuckled, and added, "at six o'clock"

Eyes wide with shock Starsky stared at him "Are you nuts? Six o'clock? Finally I can sleep in till I wake up by myself and you wanna start camping in the middle of the night. Are there really two six o'clocks in a day?"

"Of course! There's nothing as beautiful as the mountains in the early morning."

Starsky shook his head "I don't know Hutch, maybe this camping stuff ain't for me being a city guy and all! I think I'd better be stayin' in Bay City. In the city here where I belong."

Disappointed Hutch shrugged "It won't be half as much fun alone as it will be with you but if you really don't want to go…"

Feeling guilty for taking Hutch's fun away Starsky hesitated a moment and to his own surprise he heard himself say "If it means that much to you I'll go with you buddy, but don't expect me to know anything about camping."

He was rewarded with a blinding smile and a slap on the shoulder. Still feeling a bit uneasy about the expedition he smiled back. "Okay, okay, but if we want to get started early tomorrow we'd better hit the sack in time, don't you think?"

"Oh yeah, we shouldn't turn in too late. Let's go to my place and talk things over, it's always good to have a plan when you go camping in the wild."

Suppressing a shudder at those words Starsky nodded "Yeah, the wild. Right. Let's go and plan this thing. We wouldn't want to get into trouble, would we?" 

It was very early in the morning when Hutch woke up with a feeling of anticipation. It took him a few seconds before he knew why he felt that way, but then he remembered. Camping trip with Starsky. It was still dark and he realized it wasn't time to get up yet but he didn't feel sleepy anymore and, content, he let his thoughts go back to the other night.

_They had left the bar and their former fellow students shortly after they'd decided to go on a camping trip together. "Where do you live?" Starsky had asked and Hutch had told him pleased with the soft whistle Starsky gave when he heard the address._

"_You live at the canal? That's a whole lot better than where I stay at the moment."_

"_I like it there" Hutch had answered "It's quiet and it doesn't give me the feeling I'm living in a city."_

"_Well, being a real city guy myself I can't understand what's not to like about it" Starsky had answered "but if you're happy there it's fine by me"_

_They had hailed a cab and soon they were standing in front of Hutch's small house with the white picket fence._

"_Hey, this is a nice place" Starsky had admired the house "You should have a wife and two kids. Be Mr. Average American. That'd make it perfect."_

"_I have a wife but we're about to divorce" Hutch had muttered under his breath. He sounded embarrassed and the brunet was immediately uncomfortable._

"_Aw, I'm sorry Hutch, I didn't know that" Starsky's face had turned red but it was too dark for Hutch to notice "You couldn't know Starsk, I never told you. Let's get in huh? I'm getting cold out here"_

"_Cold? And I thought you liked being outside? What kind of a camper are ya?"_

"_The kind that doesn't want to stand in front of his house in the middle of the night" Hutch had laughed, opening the door._

_Entering the house Starsky had once again whistled through his teeth in appreciation. "It's really great Hutch. You have a lot of plants here. Looks like a forest."_

"_Yeah, well" he'd answered "I'm a country boy through and through I guess even though I like it in Bay City."_

"_Hmm, I guess you are" Starsky had shrugged and plopped down on the couch. Looking around the small room he had asked "How're we gonna do this? I mean, can I crash here and go to my place tomorrow to get my stuff or shall I go home now?"_

_A little surprised Hutch had answered "I guess you could stay here if you don't mind the couch."_

"_Oh, you're couch is fine. I've slept in worse places" Starsky flashed a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes._

'There is so much more to you' Hutch thought, while he folded his arms under his head. 'I want to get to know you better.' He felt strangely at ease with the curly haired man even after they'd had a difficult start and he wondered how that could be.

Not being able to get any more sleep he decided to get up and make coffee. While he puttered around in his small kitchen area he softly hummed a vague tune and for a second he thought about picking up his guitar and trying to make a song out of the melody playing in his head but the sound of footsteps made him look around. He started laughing when he saw his friend's sleepy face, his hair sticking out like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards.

"Hm?" Starsky mumbled still half asleep "wha's the matter?"

He plopped down in a chair and lay his head in his arms on the table "I wanna sleep some more"

Still laughing and feeling oddly happy Hutch answered "Ah buddy, you're up now. How about some coffee huh? That will wake you up I bet."

"What time is it?" Starsky looked up and almost choked when he saw the time "Half past five? Shit Hutch, it's still night!"

"No it's not Starsk, it's early in the morning, an' that's an entirely different thing. Here, have your coffee and wake up."

"How come you're so damn cheerful at this time?"Starsky wanted to know after he had taken a few sips of the hot coffee.

"Oh, I don't know. I think I'm a morning person. I like to get up in time to see the sunrise and a new day start I guess." Hutch had never thought about it before but being awake in the early morning had made him feel good for as long as he could remember.

'That's great', Starsky thought, 'he really is an early riser. I should have thought longer about that before I agreed to go with him. T'riffic Davey you know how to pick 'em don't 'cha?'

"You want something to eat?" he heard Hutch ask.

"Nah, not yet or maybe….. Yeah……What have you got?" His stomach rumbled at the thought of food an even in the early morning Starsky knew he wanted something to eat.

"I'm having a health shake but……"

"You're having a what?" Starsky stared at him totally flabbergasted by what he just heard his new friend say "What the hell is a health shake? Or wait, do I really want to know that?"

"Hey it's not poison." Hutch tried to defend his eating habits "It's goat's milk and……"

"Stop" Starsky almost yelled disgusted "I don't wanna know. Geez Hutch you are a strange one ain't ya?"

Hutch shrugged "What's wrong with health food and trying to stay healthy?"

"It's disgusting that's what it is. What's wrong with some left over pizza?"

"Left over pizza? And you call me weird?"He shook his head and went on with the preparations of his breakfast "I think I've got bread so if you want toast, I could make that for you" he offered.

"Well, toast is okay" Starsky agreed "as long as you stay away from me with the goat's milk I'll be fine"

Finally they sat together at the table and enjoyed their breakfast in companiable silence. Starsky was surprised that he felt so at ease with this guy he hadn't known for very long. He was happy, though, that Hutch had somehow found his way into his life already.

Nursing his second cup of coffee the curly haired guy asked "What are we gonna do now buddy?" 

Hutch looked at his watch and thought for a moment before he answered "I think it's time to put my things in the car and then go to your place and collect your stuff. We should be on our way to the mountains in about an hour I'd say"

"We're taking your car?'Starsky wanted to know.

"That's okay with me."Hutch agreed "It's big enough to stash our things in"

"Good" Starsky nodded "'Cause I don't think mine will make it loaded up and in the mountains. I really need another car, ya know. I've seen a real beauty but can't afford it just yet. Ah, she's gorgeous!"

That statement made Hutch chuckle "Hey, a car is a car for me. As long as it takes me from A to B I'm happy."

"Well, let's get your heap on the road then" the brunet grinned "If I sit here any longer I'll fall asleep again."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter****2**

It was almost ten o'clock that morning when they found themselves heading towards the mountains. It had taken some time to find appropriate shoes for Starsky to walk in the mountains with because, as Hutch had stated "sneakers won't do there."

Starsky had disagreed but the blond stood his ground and reluctantly Starsky had bought himself real hiking shoes.

"This trip is going to be a real money snatcher." he'd grumbled but Hutch had laughed "It's not going to cost you much more than this buddy. I have everything we need and we'll eat what we catch and can find."

That hadn't made the brunet feel much better "What, are we going on a hunting trip? I'm not gonna shoot some innocent animal you know. What are you, a cannibal?"

Hutch had wiped the tears from his eyes "You're a real comedian Starsk. But no, we're not on a hunting trip, but we could try to catch some fish though and I know what's edible out there. So don't worry, you won't starve."

Still not satisfied with the idea of finding his own food Starsky had started to bargain with Hutch "What if you catch a fish and I buy some food before we go, huh? Then we're both happy and I won't starve…….."

"Nope! Back to nature means just that. No cans, no convenience food and you're going to love it. I promise Starsk, really."

"You're not the bossy type are ya Hutch? 'Cause let me tell ya right now, I'm not a pushover."

"Nah, I'm as kind as a kitten."

"Good, 'cos if you weren't I'd have to do something about it"

Hutch had chuckled and suggested "What do you think about you buying something for lunch and the rest of the week we'll eat what we find?"

"Don't ya think I'm on the losing side with this deal? Food for one meal and some crap we find for the rest of the time; I don't know Hutch, but it don't seem right to me."

After arguing for several minutes they decided that Starsky would buy supplies for a few days and Hutch would take care of the fishing and food hunting. It seemed to mollify the curly haired man and so they'd set out.

With the sun shining and the radio playing country and western music Hutch felt pretty good and relaxed. He was driving his old Ford and he whistled along with the song. _'It's good that I brought my guitar with me. I can't wait to sit by the fire and play something for Starsky.' That thought shook him up 'Where does that come from' he wondered 'Why would I want to play guitar for Starsky? He's a guy for Pete's sake not my new girlfriend' _He stopped whistling and looked out of the corner of his eye at his passenger. Starsky had fallen asleep five minutes after they'd finally left for the mountains and Hutch had left him in peace knowing the man wasn't an early riser and getting up early that morning must have been a real achievement.

Starsky chose that moment to wake up and when he saw Hutch watching him he growled "Eyes on the road Hutchinson. Don't wanna end up in the hospital; I've seen enough of them"

The last words made Hutch curious and he couldn't resist asking, "What do you mean Starsk? You've been in the hospital a lot?"

Starsky shrugged "Never mind, it's not important."He sat up straighter and looked around the car "Ya call this a car? It's more like a garbage can to me."

Grinning Hutch answered "What do I care about a car? It's running isn't it? And it takes me where I wanna go. Right now it's taking you and me to the mountains and the lakes."

"Hm, if that's good enough for you who am I to say it isn't? But let me tell ya this buddy, when I got my new car you're not gonna treat her as lousy as this one."

Enjoying the friendly banter immensely Hutch laughed out loud "It sounds as if that car will be your new girlfriend Starsk. It's just transportation you know, something to drive in, that takes you home"

"That's what you think, but there's a lot more to a car than just being transportation. If you treat her gently she'll never fail you, she'll be faithful to you and…"

"You're joking Starsk. You must be."Hutch almost cried with laughter "you can't be serious."

A hurt expression on his face Starsky looked at Hutch "Of course I'm serious! Cars have feelings too ya know." Not able to suppress a smile he turned his face away from the still hiccupping driver. Funny, he thought, I don't care if he's laughing. Anybody else and I'd probably slugged 'em but not him. It's nice to talk to him and laugh with him. Never had somebody to do that with.

"I'm hungry" he said "It must be time to eat somethin'."

"Yeah" Hutch agreed tears from laughter still running down his cheeks "I could eat something too but if you can wait a little longer we're where we'll start our trip. We can eat something first then. Okay?"

Starsky nodded "Okay but don't make me wait too long. I'm grouchy when I don't eat in time" A blinding smile followed those words and Hutch smiled back a just as blinding smile.

Ten minutes later Hutch drove the old car off the main road and parked near what turned out to be a narrow dirt road where they would start their hiking trip.

Starsky left the car and looked around. A bit disappointed he wanted to know "Is this all; a dirt road and some trees?"

Hutch grinned leaving the car also and answered "No, don't worry. The real beauty of nature we'll see when we're on our way and a little further from civilization."

"No civilization huh? I wonder if I didn't make a huge mistake coming with you. What if something happens when we're out there? Oh," he shivered at the thought, "and what about snakes? I hate snakes! You're sure there are no snakes?"

"Snakes are more afraid of you than you would be of them buddy. They will be no problem. Believe me, I know."

"Well" Starsky hesitated "I'm gonna need persuadin'. But let's eat first, I can't think with an empty stomach"

A little later they ate their lunch from a can, as Starsky proudly pointed out, and after that they prepared to go further walking and exploring the beautiful mountains that waited for them.

Ken Hutchinson was feeling great walking and enjoying the beautiful nature that surrounded them.

David Starsky did not share those happy feelings; walking and nature did not have the same effect on him as on his friend who walked in front of him.

"Hey Hutch," he asked after they'd walked for about two hours, "don't ya think it's time for a break?"

Hutch stopped and turned towards Starsky "Why, are you tired?"

"Well, not exactly but I could use somethin' to eat. And a bit of rest wouldn't be bad either." he confessed reluctantly, not wanting to sound fussy.

"What do you say if we go on for a little while and then look for a place to camp?"

Starsky shrugged "Okay but not too long, I'm starving ya know."

"Ah come on Starsk! Look around you, isn't it beautiful here? Don't you feel fantastic just seeing the beauty nature shows us?"

"What are ya, a walking commercial? Or do ya read too many books with too many fancy words and expressions?"

"No, but can't you see it?" Hutch didn't understand how somebody could walk here and not see the impressive beauty that nature displayed.

"No I don't, but if you see it it should be enough for the both of us. I told ya before I'm not really into the nature stuff."

Hutch chuckled "Ah yes, the city guy. But still can't ya see it's really beautiful here."

While talking they'd walked on and after some time Hutch spotted the perfect camping place right before them.

"I think this is a great place to camp Starsk." he pointed at the little lake in front of them "Water enough so I can try to catch some fish and we could swim if you'd like."

"Don't like water" Starsky mumbled "I'd rather have a beer."

"Well, we don't have beer with us but maybe you'd settle for coffee? Fresh and strong."

With a deep sigh Starsky agreed "Coffee it is then. And I'm hungry; don't know if I can wait till you catch the fish… if you ever manage to catch some."

They arrived at the spot Hutch had discovered and with a relieved sigh Starsky dropped his backpack on the ground and stretched his arms and back.

"Never thought I'd be walking with a thing like that on my back ever again." he said and looked disgusted at the innocent item.

That comment woke Hutch's curiosity "You've been doing hiking trips before? When and where?"

Starsky shrugged, cursing himself for saying things he didn't want to talk about. "Nothing interesting." He tried to avoid further conversation "It's been a while and I don't want to remember it anyhow. Not now anyway, we're having too much fun aren't we?" The last words were said with a hint of sarcasm that Hutch didn't understand but he decided to drop the matter for the moment.

Working together as a team they finished pitching the small tent in ten minutes and although Hutch had the lead he noticed that Starsky was handy enough to do it on his own. If he wanted to, he thought and wondered what secrets were hidden behind the easy going attitude.

Starsky almost worked without thinking pitching the tent. He'd done it a hundred times in the army and could do it with his eyes closed if he had to; but it brought back memories he'd like to forget and it was one of the reasons he never went camping. And here I am, he thought, doing _just_ that. He wondered what powers were hidden behind the sky blue eyes of the blond to make him doing this despite his aversion to it.

"I'm gonna try to get us some fish for dinner" Hutch had his fishing gear in his hands already "you wanna join me?"

"Nah, I don't think so. I'm going to lie down and take a nap" Starsky answered and took off his shoes as if to prove he'd do what he just said "I'm kinda tired from all the walkin' we did I guess"

"Okay" Hutch shrugged and turned to find a good fishing spot but he was held back by the brunet who wanted to know "Ain't you hungry? I could eat something ya know! Can't we just eat first?"

"Well, we could eat something you bought I guess and when I come back with a pile of fish we could eat those later" Hutch hesitated a moment, eager to go fishing but not wanting to sound pushy "Maybe you're right. Let's eat something, just not too much, and have a real dinner when I come back"

The thought about food lit up Starsky's face and he was on his feet before Hutch could say another word. He opened his backpack and picked out the first edible thing he saw. "Oh yeah. This is what I need right now" he showed Hutch what he'd found "ain't ya glad I bought some real food?"

"That's not food" the blond looked disgusted "Starsk, that's candy. What were you thinking when you bought that?"

Disappointed Starsky looked at the candy bar in his hand "I thought I like this and I bought it" he said "Don't you like it? I thought everybody liked candy bars."

"What else did you buy?"Hutch wanted to know "You did buy some real food I hope?"

"Hey! What kinda guy do ya think I am? I didn't just buy candy. I… uh…I bought some canned soup too."

"Oh… well that's okay then. Let's eat the soup and then I'll go fishing for the main course." He started to make a fire with the twigs he found around their tent and it didn't take long before a small fire spread its warmth and the smell of tomato soup filled the air. Hutch stirred the soup in a pan he'd brought with him and suddenly felt very content. It was nice making something to eat for more than one person and he realized he'd missed that since his wife had left him. He felt his anger rise but pushed it away. Now was not the time to think of ugly things like his wife's betrayal and determinedly he pushed the thoughts and his anger to the back of his mind to deal with later.

Starsky saw the emotions on his new friend's face and wondered what secrets the blond could have. Thinking of his own hidden feelings he shrugged mentally and put the last piece of candy in his mouth. "Soup ready?" he asked chewing "I'm almost fainting from hunger."

"Hard to believe that Starsk, since you're stuffing yourself with candy."

"Yeah well, I had to eat somethin'; it took too long to wait for the soup"

"Hm, if you say so. Soup is hot now."

"Great! Give it to me Blondie."

Hutch filled the mugs with the hot soup and said "What did you call me?"

"Blondie"

"Blondie?"

"Yeah, Blondie! You're blond ain't ya?"

"You can't call me Blondie. I'm not one of your girls!"

"I don't have any blond girls. I like brunettes better"

Hutch shook his head "I'm going to catch our dinner"

Starsky grinned and watched the blond taking his fishing gear and walk to the lake. Maybe this trip could be fun after all, he thought, Hutch was fun to be with and if he really would catch some fish a nice dinner and a bit teasing could make it a comfortable evening.

TBC

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Amused, Starsky watched Hutch standing at the lake trying to catch at least one fish. He wasn't very successful and despite the distance between them Starsky could hear him curse all fish in general and the ones in the lake especially.

Laughing he unrolled his sleeping bag and stretched himself out on it. Rolling over on his stomach he kept watching the blond struggling at the lakeside. He rested his chin on his clenched fists and tried to keep dark thoughts at bay but with stubborn determination they kept coming to haunt him and he wondered if he could keep his fears hidden from the light blue eyes that sometimes seemed to look right through him.

"Oh please," he whispered very softly, "leave me alone now. Don't need this right now."

"You okay Starsk?" Startled the brunet looked up and saw Hutch watching him carefully.

"I'm fine," he lied, his heart thumping in his chest, "Guess I fell asleep."

"Yeah." the blond didn't look as if he believed it but Starsky had no intention of telling him anything else.

"Did ya catch something?" he asked trying to get the subject changed.

"Well…yeah, sort of." Hutch looked a bit embarrassed and showed him his catch.

Starsky snorted when he saw the two tiny fish that were shown to him. "Aw," he tried to compose himself but failed, "you got us some baby fish." He saw Hutch scowl at him but couldn't stop laughing. "Oh Hutch, you're such a great fisherman. At least we'll have something to eat tonight."

He heard the blond mumble something and suddenly felt the cold, wet fish connect with his neck!

"Geez Hutch!" he yelled not laughing anymore, "Wadda ya do that for? Yuck, man. It's not funny ya know."

Hutch looked at him and started to laugh "It's quite funny to me," he said, "besides, it's your fault. Never make fun of the one that feeds you."

Muttering under his breath Starsky threw the poor little fish back to Hutch who caught them and looked disappointed. "I don't think it'll be fish tonight Starsk." he said "It's not worth cleaning and cooking them don't you think?"

"Nah, it'll be too much work for too little food. Good thing I bought some food, huh?"

Defeated Hutch had to agree with that and together they rummaged through the bag of food to see what could assemble for an evening meal. "It's not exactly healthy is it?" Hutch noticed when he saw the things Starsky had bought. "Soup, candy bars, more candy bars, soda, oh and beans. What did you have in mind when you chose this? A kid's party?"

"'Course not!"Starsky answered with dignity, "I like this stuff and it's easy to cook and the candy is for energy. I need lots of energy when I'm walking."

"You do, huh? How do you think you'll keep your energy level up when you're on patrol? Gonna stuff yourself with candy too then? Or, when you're chasing some flake, you're gonna ask him to wait till you've had your dosage of sugar?"

Starsky shrugged "We'll see about that if it happens." he said, "Now I want to eat."

"I guess it will be beans then," Hutch thought, "If you're okay with that?" he added, knowing there wasn't much else to eat.

"Beans is just fine but hurry up will you?"

"Hey, if I'm not fast enough for you why you don't give me a hand huh? Give me the can opener and plates."

Together they made their dinner and while they were eating Hutch made coffee in an old coffee pot. "This is my camping coffee pot." he explained, "I always take it with me when I'm camping. I think it's my lucky pot."

"Oh? And why is that?" Starsky wanted to know.

"Coffee from this pot is the best I've ever tasted."

"Well, when it's ready I'd like to taste that for myself." Starsky held out his mug and Hutch filled it with the steaming hot brew.

Taking a careful sip Starsky raised his eyebrows and nodded "You're right, it's the best coffee I've had in a long time."

Pleased with the verdict the blond relaxed and took his own mug. "It's great isn't it? Being free as a bird for a few days."

"Sure is!" Starsky agreed "But I'm really looking forward to next week, you know, finally I'm gonna be a cop."

"Did you know you wanted to be a cop when you were a kid?"

Starsky thought about that for a moment "I guess I did. I can't remember ever wanting to be anything else. And you?"

"No, I didn't, but I didn't think about it then. I thought I'd follow my father's footsteps and go to medical school." He paused and sighed "I even went for a while but it's not what I wanted."

"You could have been a doctor?" Starsky asked, surprised "and now you're a cop? Why didn't you finish medical school?"

Hutch shrugged "It wasn't what I wanted." He hesitated, wondering if he should say more but to his surprise the words just left his mouth as if on their own accord "I don't want to be like my father in any way and being a doctor would be too close to being like him so I quit."

"I can't imagine him being happy about that?" The blond's last words made it clear to Starsky that father and son Hutchinson weren't real close.

"That's an understatement Starsk. He got real angry when I told him I was going to leave med school and he even got more angry when I told him I would go to Bay City and become a cop."

"Why Bay City?"

"Well…..Nancy, my wife, wasn't happy about me quitting either, so I had to think of something that would make her happy. I knew that she wanted to be a model or something like that and I convinced her that this was the place where she would have most chance of succeeding." he shrugged "And she did. So much so that she left me because I was holding her back"

"T'riffic! Nice lady. You really loved her?"

"I don't know, she was beautiful and we did have fun when we first met but I was very young and maybe I was just blinded by that. I should have known better though, my parents adored her and still do."

"Hm, she was more their choice than yours I guess."

"I think so," Hutch sighed, dry washing his face, "although I didn't see it at the time."

"At least you don't have kids." Starsky thought out loud.

"No, she didn't want to ruin her figure!" It was said with so much contempt that the brunet wondered what the hell had happened in the Hutchinson household before they separated.

"It's gettin' dark" he changed the subject, "You wanna get up early again?"

"Of course!" Hutch grinned grateful for the distraction. "As soon as it's light we'll be on our way again."

"You think there's enough room in this tent for the both of us?"

"Sure. You'll see how comfy it is."

"Comfy, comfy," Starsky muttered, "my bed is comfy not this tent and the hard ground."

Grinning, Hutch slapped his shoulder. "Ah buddy, you'll be sleeping like a log, you'll see."

David Starsky couldn't sleep. Lying in his sleeping bag he listened to the night sounds outside the tent and tried to keep the memories at bay. He listened to the gentle breathing of the man beside him and envied him for his ability to sleep so peacefully. Starsky knew that his adventures in Vietnam and the horror he had seen and experienced there would disturb him for a long time to come but he also wished it wouldn't be this week. This week was meant to be a good time with his new friend when they could maybe get to know each other better, even though he disliked being in the mountains and walking through the greenery. He had hoped that having a friend with him would keep Vietnam from his thoughts but this first night told him something else.

He sighed and turned to his other side in an attempt to get some sleep but the sounds outside the tent kept bothering him. Although he knew there was no danger, his memory kept coming up with unwanted pictures of the past.

Finally, after tossing and turning for a long time, he felt himself drift off in a restless slumber.

Ken Hutchinson slept the sleep of the innocent but somehow became aware of the restlessness of the man beside him. Still half asleep he turned to the side where Starsky lay and with some difficulty he opened his eyes. He didn't see much in the dark tent but he felt the brunet's agitation and softly he asked "Starsk, are you all right?"

He heard some mumbling but no straight answer and he tried again "Hey Starsky! Are you awake?"

"No…..yes." Starsky's voice sounded tired but not sleepy and it worried Hutch.

"Are you okay, buddy? You're feeling all right?"

"Nothing to worry about Hutch," he heard his companion wiggle out of his sleeping bag, "Just need to go outside…..ya know take a leak."

"Oh, well take a flashlight with you, its real dark."

"I will." Starsky was busy finding his pants and when he finally did, he left the tent. Outside, he dressed quickly and sat down near the tent opening. Looking around and listening for anything out of the ordinary he wondered what he should tell Hutch. It was clear to him that his friend would soon follow him outside and most certainly would have a lot of questions. But the brunet was not sure if he was ready to share any of the horrible thoughts and fears with anybody and certainly not with someone he only knew for a few months.

'On the other hand' he thought 'who else can I ever tell about it? It's not something people _want_ to hear. And it's not that I _want_ to tell it but….'

Too restless to sit down any longer he stood up and started pacing, dwelling on his past.

He didn't notice the blond, who had left the tent and was watching his agitated friend. Hutch looked in amazement at the pacing and mumbling Starsky and wondered what had happened to the New Yorker. He remembered the nightmare Starsky had a month after they'd started the police academy and the very short explanation he'd given about his time in the army and Vietnam and now, standing there and watching the brunet Hutch thought that maybe he knew what bothered Starsky. Hesitantly he approached the pacing figure and almost whispering he asked "Is there anything wrong Starsk? Can't you tell me what's eating you? Maybe we could do something about it."

Startled Starsky stopped moving and while his heartbeat sped up he looked around to see who was talking to him. He sighed when he recognized the man and snapped "Do you have to sneak up on people?"

"I'm not sneaking up on you Starsk."Hutch defended himself "I just came to see if everything's ok because you didn't come back."

"What are you, my father? I don't need that crap Hutchinson!" Starsky wondered why he was reacting like that. After all, Hutch only had the best of intensions and was certainly not the enemy.

Taken aback by this hostile reaction Hutch took a step backwards and held up his hands as if to keep the angry man away from him. "I'm sorry if I scared you Starsk," he said softly "but I was really worried. I mean, it's dark and you could easily have hurt yourself."

"I can take care of myself Hutch." Starsky had calmed down a bit "I learned that a long time ago."

"I'm sure you can. Let's sit down huh, then I'll make us coffee and we can talk." He held up his hands again "Nothing important just talk a bit about what ever you like."

Starsky thought about that for a moment and then agreed "Just coffee, no talking."

"Okay, what ever you want." Hutch was already busy making a fire and Starsky went to the lake to fill the pan with water for the coffee. When he came back Hutch had the fire going and was looking for the coffee and the pot.

"Hey" Starsky was surprised to see the fire burning "you did that real quickly."

"What can I say, buddy?" Hutch laughed "The things you can do with matches."

"Oh, not like in the old days when they used firestones? I thought you'd want to do things that way, you know."

"Nah, sometimes it's better to use the modern techniques."

Before Starsky knew it the water was boiling and the smell of coffee started to fill the air. With a content sigh Starsky took the mug that was handed to him and sipped carefully, enjoying the taste and the warmth that spread through his body. Now, together with Hutch, the demons retreated and he relaxed for the moment.

"Starsk, can I ask you something? It's personal and if you don't wanna answer just say so."

Starsky shrugged "Okay, but if I don't wanna say anything I won't."

"Deal!" Hutch waited and tried to formulate the question in such a way that the man opposite of him wouldn't turn his back on him right away. "Well Starsk……I know you've been in the army and…." He stopped talking when he saw the other stiffen but went on when Starsky kept silent "And you told me something about Vietnam but……um, well….I c-c-can n-n-not i-imagine what it …..Well...how bad it was." Hutch felt sweat trail down his back and he shifted uncomfortably on the hard ground. When he dared to look at the brunet he saw anger, pain and grief so plainly in the ashen face that he regretted the question immediately. "I'm sorry Starsk, I shouldn't have ……" But Starsky shook his head and cleared his throat before he said, " It's okay Hutch, it's okay." A deep sigh followed those words and the he went on "I don't know if I can ever tell what happened there but there's one thing I _can_ tell you," he waited for a second, "no matter what I tell you, you'll never be able to understand how it really was." He looked at his hands and continued "These hands have killed and hurt and done all kind of ugly, inhuman things and I regret every one of them."

"God Starsk!" Hutch tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He never had been drafted, his father had taken care of that and he remembered the demonstrations in college against the war, the sit-ins and the protest songs he sang but now, sitting next to a Vietnam veteran, he felt ashamed for the care-free time he'd had in college.

Starsky seemed to notice his anguish "Come on Hutch, there was nothing you could have changed. It's not your fault I ended up there."

"No" he whispered back "but when I think back at what I did when I was in college, I don't feel so good."

Starsky grinned softly "Ah, protest songs and demonstrations, huh?" He couldn't be mad at Hutch, he was only glad the big blond hadn't been forced to do what he had been forced to do. "Let's talk about something else, whadda ya say?"

"How do you do that Starsk? Leaving all that behind you and go on?"

"It _is_ behind me Hutch! It's over now." He knew it wasn't true but he didn't want to upset his friend any more. "Give me another coffee and tell me about your wife."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter** **4**

"My wife?"Hutch almost choked in his coffee and stared at Starsky wide eyed. "Why do you want to know about my wife?"

Starsky shrugged. "I told you about my horror and now it's your turn." he grinned."She _is_ your horror isn't she?"He asked in an innocent voice.

Hutch hung his head. "One of many," he whispered but then he looked up and smiled, "but she's almost gone now."

"Good for you buddy. Tell me, how did you ever get the idea of marrying her?"

"Well……we knew each other in high school and because her parents were friends with mine my family kind of pushed us a little to become a couple I guess."

"T'riffic," the brunet muttered but said nothing more.

Hutch was struggling to find the right words to explain why he had agreed to the idea of marrying Nancy. "It's not that I wasn't attracted to her, but I was nineteen and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And my father was so pleased with her that I was married before I knew it."

"So you married her because your father liked her so much? _He_ should have married her then."

Hutch snorted "Maybe he should have but he's still married to my mother, so I was the next best option."

Starsky looked at him but the flames of the small fire made it hard to see the expression on the other's face. "Give me another coffee Hutch; I think I'm going to need it."

"What you need is sleep Starsk. It's almost three in the morning and if we want to make an early start we should try and get some shuteye."

Starsky shrugged "I don't know; I don't think I'll be getting a lot of sleep here, it's too quiet."

"It's not _that_ quiet Starsk; listen to the sounds of nature and you'll find them soothing and relaxing I bet."

Starsky mumbled something that Hutch didn't understand but he thought that he heard the brunet say something like 'that's just it.'

"You must have done some camping when you were in the army." Hutch thought out loud without thinking and when he looked at the brunet he saw to his dismay that the handsome face had morphed into a stone mask, hiding all emotions. Even the friendly flames didn't soften that expression and with a growl Starsky stumbled to his feet and ran from their camp. Stunned, Hutch watched him go and for a moment he didn't know what to do but then he jumped to his feet and ran after the fleeing brunet.

Starsky ran as if the devil was chasing him and in his mind he was. Unwanted memories flooded back into his mind and almost panicked he tried to outrun them. The dark stopped him from running really fast and more than once he stumbled and once he even hit a tree and fell. He lay on the ground panting and listening with his eyes closed but all he heard were the sounds of the night in the forest and slowly he calmed down. His racing heart slowed down and suddenly he heard someone call his name.

Hutch had the same trouble in the dark as Starsky; but because he wasn't running away from some demon he was more careful than the other man. Still, he stumbled a few times but didn't run into a tree and when he carefully made his way through the dark forest his thoughts ran wild. 'What the hell did I say to make you run like that Starsk? And where did you go? Come on; let me know where you are.'

Starsky heard him coming but didn't say a word. He just wanted to stay where he was and wait till dawn so the night terrors would disappear with the dark. He was sitting against the tree he'd run into and held his head in his hands, his eyes closed to keep the dark, outside world from his vision. He more felt than heard the blond approach him but he stayed quiet. "Starsk?" Hutch's voice was hesitant "are you all right?"

Hutch reached out his hand to touch the other man's shoulder and Starsky let him, knowing he wasn't the enemy but still scared for his own feelings and fears.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Hutch sounded so worried that Starsky had to look up at him. Even in the dark Hutch could see how pale his friend looked and how haunted the look in his eyes was. He sat down beside the shivering man and without thinking he pulled him into his arms and held him protectively. Starsky let himself be pulled into the protective embrace and leaned against the strong, comforting shoulder that was offered to him. They sat there in silence for a long time and when the sky finally showed the first signs of a new day Starsky said "I'm sorry Hutch. I don't know why I ran like I did."

"You must have had a hellish time Starsk." the blond answered "Too horrible to think about"

"Yeah, it was hell and worse." He kept silent for a while and Hutch waited for him to go on patiently "I can't talk about it now, it's too damn freaky."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but remember, if and when you're ready to talk you can talk to me." Hutch knew from the psychology classes he'd followed in med school that a traumatized person had to be handled with care. And Starsky was traumatized, he was certain of that.

"Hey Hutch" the brunet grinned softly "I don't think I should make it a habit do you?"

"A habit of what?"

"Well….sitting like this I mean."

"Why not?" Hutch chuckled "It's kinda nice ain't it?"

"Yeah but it's kinda weird too I think."

"Who cares buddy?"Hutch shrugged, "there's no one here just us."

"How long have we known each other now?" Starsky wondered "Six months? Seven?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Aren't we a bit, well um, intimate?"

That remark made Hutch laugh out loud and his laughter scared the early birds that just woke up away "Intimate you say. What about friendly? Or comforting huh?"

"It's all the same when two guys are hugging and sitting as close as we are!"

"You wanna go then?"

"Nah" Starsky snuggled a little closer to Hutch "As long as nobody else is here and you won't tell anybody."

"I won't Starsk, I promise and you know what? I kinda like this; I think it's what friendship is all about."

"Hugging you mean?"

"Well, no but be there for the other when he needs it!"

"Hm, so we're friends you mean. Real friends."

"Didn't you think so before then Starsk?"

Starsky thought about that for minute; "I don't know I never had a real friend before. Friends enough, but nothing like this. This feels good and sometimes I think that I've always known you. Weird, huh?"

He looked up at Hutch but saw no rejection or amusement in the other's eyes. Hutch suddenly felt a strange feeling of belonging he never felt before and with a lump in his throat he said "It's not weird Starsk. I have the same feeling, I sometimes think we must have met before but I know we didn't. Maybe there is a connection between us and we shouldn't ignore it."

"I'll think about all that mumbo jumbo stuff later Hutch, okay?" Starsky felt his eyelids grow heavy and with a contented sigh he closed his eyes and fell asleep with his head still on the blond's shoulder.

"Well, that's nice buddy" Hutch chuckled softly. "Using me as your pillow. Maybe that's what friends are for too huh?"

He rested his head against the tree they were sitting under and waited for his best friend to wake up.

Starsky woke up when the sun stroked his face. Yawning he opened his eyes and with surprise he noticed that he wasn't in the tent but out in the open field. His head still rested on the blond's shoulder and a little embarrassed he remembered what had happened earlier. Slowly he lifted his head to look at Hutch and smiled when he saw the blond head resting with closed eyes against the tree. 'Ah, you're asleep too huh?' he thought and carefully he tried to free himself from the long arms that were wrapped around him. With a sigh Hutch opened his eyes when the brunet freed himself from the embrace and sleepily he mumbled "Good morning."

Starsky laughed softly "Good morning to you too, Blondie."

"How are you feeling?" Hutch asked, the memories of the night returning to him "A bit better now?"

"I'm fine Hutch, night is over and the sun is shining. Wadda ya think, shall we go back to our camp and have breakfast?"

"I don't dare to think what you consider breakfast buddy, but I sure could use some coffee." Groaning Hutch tried to stand up and growled: "next time you decide to fall asleep Starsk, would you please use a bed instead of me. My back is killing me."

Chuckling, Starsky grabbed Hutch's hand and helped him on his feet. "I'm sorry buddy, but you were so comfortable I just couldn't resist. Next time it's your turn."

While they walked the way back to their camp Hutch was amazed by the now cheerful and lively appearance of the man walking in front of him. 'You were so scared and stressed just a few hours ago' he thought 'and look at you now! As if nothing happened.'

When they reached their tent Hutch started to make a fire and Starsky took the pan and walked to the lake to get the water for the much needed coffee. When he returned the fire was ready and carefully he placed the pan on the flames. Hutch was rummaging in the tent looking for the coffee and the coffee pot and Starsky smiled at the groaning sounds he made. "Hey Hutch, are you okay? You sound like an angry grizzly bear."

Hutch's head appeared in the tent opening "Very funny Starsk. It's all your fault you know" he handed Starsky the items he'd found and with some difficulty and more exaggerating groans he managed to stand.

"My fault huh? Who threw his arms around me and who _let_ me fall asleep? Well?" Starsky shook his head in mock anger "What do you have to say to that?"

"If you put it that way" Hutch grinned "I only can say that I won't do it again."

"As long as you remember that it was _not_ my fault it's okay."

Grinning, Hutch hurried to make the coffee and when they nursed their first mug with the good smelling coffee Starsky sighed in contentment. "Ah Hutch, this is good." He looked around and confessed "It's a beautiful day and I like being here with you ……if only…." He sighed again, not so content anymore and Hutch understood what he meant.

"If only the past wouldn't spoil it for you" he finished the unspoken thought for his friend and wondered why he did that and how he knew what Starsky meant.

"Yeah..," the brunet didn't seem to notice anything strange about it, "if only I didn't have _that_ past!"

"We all have things in our past we'd rather not have Starsk. I know I would like to never remember some things but well…..it's there and we'll have to deal with it some way."

"Is the wife thing one of those?" Starsky wanted to know, glad that he could take his mind of his ugly thoughts.

"Yes, it certainly is. You know, when we were just married it was good and I thought I was happy with her but when I told her I wasn't going to be a doctor and wanted to become a cop, well…… let's say she didn't take it very well. The first thing she did was tell my father and he didn't take it very well either."

"T'riffic that's all you need from a wife. Go and tell daddy-in-law."

"Yeah, and then my mother started crying a river and my father was yelling and Nancy was threatening to leave. So I thought if everybody is having a fit already I might as well do what I want. It couldn't get any worse anyway. And that's what I did, I told the school I'd quit and applied to the police academy."

"Good for you Blondie. It took guts to do what you did."

"Thank you Starsk. It felt good to do it you know, it was the first time I did something _I_ wanted to do and not what anybody else expected me to."

"But why the police academy? You could have chosen something easier and better paying."

Hutch thought about that for a while and a bit hesitant he answered "I'm not really sure if there's a specific reason but I always wanted to help people and being a cop seemed the right choice."

"Being a doctor would be a good choice too, I mean a doctor helps people and it pays a lot more."

"That was my father's choice Starsk, not mine. I never wanted to follow his footsteps and I sure didn't want to be like him. My father is a great physician but not such a great person."

"Okay, I can see that but there must be a certain reason why you wanted to go to the academy."

"Maybe there was. Some years ago a girl from our neighborhood was kidnapped and the way the police handled that and solved the case made a real impression on me. I think that was the reason for my career choice."

"They got her back alive? That's great, I hope that if we ever have to solve a kidnapping we'll have the same result. Do you ever think about working on a case?"

"Sure, I want to be a detective as soon as I can."

"Me too. Wouldn't it be great if we could team up? I bet we'd be the best detectives the whole police force has ever seen."

"You think so Starsk? Us, the best ever?"

"Sure we would be! You and me together and the crime rates will drop like a stone through water."

Hutch sighed "Too bad we won't start in the same precinct."

"Yeah, too bad! But as soon as there is a chance I'll ask for a transfer."

"Isn't it great to make plans like this Starsk?"

Starsky nodded and filled his mug again "It sure is," he said when he'd taken another sip, "but it will be even greater when we'll make it happen, don't you think?"

Hutch lay down on his back and looking at the bright blue sky he answered "We will make it happen buddy, we will make it happen."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter** **5**

Hutch woke up with a jolt when he felt cold water on his face. He opened his eyes and looked at Starsky's laughing and dripping wet face. "You awake now?" the brunet grinned and shook his wet curls again.

"What happened to you?"Hutch asked wiping the water from his eyes.

"Been swimming." Starsky grabbed a towel and started drying his hair.

"You've been swimming, where?"

"In the ocean! Where do you think I've been?"

Hutch groaned "You chased the fish away. Now I can't get us dinner."

Starsky snorted "There were only baby fish, remember? Nothing for you to catch in there but tiny baby fish. And I don't eat babies you know, only grown, mature fish. And talking about food, I'm hungry."

"He's hungry," Hutch muttered. "You chased our dinner away Starsk. Now _you_ can think of something for us to eat."

"No problem. I've got all kinds of food, like soup and beans and..."

"Soup and beans are not exactly my favorites for dinner you know, but I think it'll have to do for today. But tomorrow _I_'m gonna take care of the food and you'll better eat what I serve you."

He disappeared into the tent and Starsky heard him rummaging through the contents of the bag. When he came out of the tent he held two cans in his hands and looked at them with disgust. "Geez Starsk, it's really awful. Chicken soup and beans. Beans and chicken soup. Oh... and candy. I don't know, maybe I should try and catch something anyhow."

"Hey! I like chicken soup you know. My mom always made me chicken soup when I was sick and it……"

"You're not sick now, are you; so why the chicken soup?"

Starsky shrugged "It was cheap and I like it. Besides, it's real Jewish staple food and I ain't going anywhere without chicken soup."

Sighing Hutch started preparing dinner while his friend changed his wet cut-offs for his jeans. Looking for his shirt he asked "Aren't you going to swim?"

"Maybe later, first we eat."

"Okay, what ever you want."

That remark made Hutch laugh and spill some of the hot soup over his hand.

With a curse he dropped the pan and yelled "Shit! That hurts."

Starsky was with him in a second, looked at the burn and pulled Hutch with him towards the lake.

"What are you doing?" the blond asked, the burned hand against his mouth.

"A burn needs to be cooled. At least twenty minutes, so put that hand in the water."

"It's just a small burn Starsk. No need to panic."

"I'm not panicking. I just want you to cool that burn."

"It hardly is a burn Starsky. It was only a few drops that hit me. Look, it's hardly visible just a bit red, that's all."

"Okay, so it's not so bad but it's still a burn."

"If it makes you feel better I'll cool it for a few minutes but twenty minutes is ridiculous for a few red spots."

Starsky shrugged "It's your hand. Do what you like." He looked Hutch in the face and admitted "Okay, maybe I overreacted a little but I've seen ….." he shrugged again. "Never mind, it's not important."

Hutch crouched near the lake and put his hand in the cold water. He had to admit that it felt nice and the stinging feeling eased off. He sat there for a few minutes and when he didn't feel any pain anymore he went back to their camp. Starsky had finished heating the beans and handed him a full plate without saying a word.

"Everything all right Starsk?" Hutch had the feeling something was wrong but Starsky nodded "I'm fine."

"Thanks for helping me with the burn buddy."

Starsky nodded but said nothing. Hutch began to feel uncomfortable and again he asked "Are you all right Starsk? You're not angry are you? It just was a small burn." He showed Starsky his hand but the brunet didn't look. The dark blue eyes were hidden by the dark, long lashes but Hutch could sense the dark mood his friend was in. Still wondering what was wrong he started to talk, without thinking and not knowing why he said what he said. "You said you have seen…what? Was it in 'Nam? Or somewhere else? Have you seen burns that were real bad? Talk to me Starsk. Please? I need to understand."

All he got for an answer was a shrug and almost desperately he went on "I think that your time in Vietnam must have been horrible. Maybe you should talk about it ……"

"I…don't…..want…to …talk…about…it!" Starsky yelled vehemently "I thought I made that clear to you, didn't I? So, shut up about it!"

'Wow' Hutch thought and said "Yeah you did Starsk and I'm sorry I brought the subject up but I'm worried about you, I want to help you."

"You can't help me Hutch." Starsky had calmed down and looked Hutch in the eyes "It's something I have to learn to live with I guess."

Shocked by the pain and defeat he read in the other's eyes Hutch swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt guilty for not being drafted but glad at the same time that he never had have to face the grueling cruelty of that war.

"I'm sorry" he whispered but Starsky shook his head "For what?" he asked.

"For being safe all the time you were there and for all the horrors you have seen and I didn't because my…."

"Will you stop it Hutch. Don't tell me you feel guilty for not having been in 'Nam."

"Well, I guess I do" Hutch admitted and to his surprise Starsky started to laugh. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard" the brunet hiccupped, wiping the tears from his eyes. "You always feel guilty about something you should be glad about?" He tried to stop laughing. "You don't have a guilt complex do you? Or whatever you call it."

"Of course not."Hutch answered self consciously, but at the same time admitting to himself that maybe there was some truth in Starsky's words. He remembered from his childhood the guilt he'd felt when his mother or father was angry at him or when they were fighting over something he didn't understand. Somehow he always had thought it was his fault and even when he'd married Nancy and things went wrong he thought it was his fault for some reason.

"Good" he heard Starsky say "'Cause I don't wanna be friends with some guilt- ridden guy. It's not healthy to feel guilty about things that aren't your fault you know."

Hutch shook his head "No, it isn't," and made a mental note to do something about the guilt thing.

"We didn't do much walking today did we?" Starsky said "And we won't be starting now huh?"

"No, let's call this a rest day and get up early tomorrow" Hutch agreed. "If we start in time we could walk several miles."

Starsky groaned just thinking about walking for miles but decided to go along with it without grumbling.

"How's your hand?" he asked.

"It's fine buddy, I hardly feel it anymore."

"That's good, no problems then?"

"Nope," Hutch smiled "but you'll do the cooking tomorrow if I don't catch us something to eat."

"That's a deal" the brunet agreed and finished his plate "I'm tired, I think I'll turn in early."

"Me too." Hutch felt his eyes grow heavy the moment he said it. "Tomorrow is a whole new day."

"With new surprises," Starsky added.

Starsky slept undisturbed by dreams or bad memories but Hutch wasn't so lucky. At first he couldn't sleep at all, waiting and listening for any sign that the brunet would have a nightmare or couldn't sleep. He lay in the tent with his eyes wide open and wondered not for the first time why he felt like he did towards the New Yorker. 'It's strange' he thought 'I hardly know him but somehow he's so familiar to me, so….' He couldn't find the word to describe the feeling he had when he thought about the sleeping man next to him. He smiled in the dark 'Like I've always known him.' He turned to his left side and closed his eyes but sleep didn't come. He thought about getting up but decided against it, afraid he'd wake up his friend and with another sigh he turned on his back again. 'I wish I could help him forget the war' Again he wondered why he felt like had to protect Starsky from something. He snorted softly 'He's a big boy Kenny; he can take care of himself. He survived a war, that's more than you ever did. You don't need to protect him, so forget about it.' He listened again for some sign of disturbance from the sleeping man but Starsky made no other sound than a soft snoring and Hutch began to feel quite stupid. 'Sleep Hutchinson. You'll be a mess in the morning and how are you gonna explain that to him huh?' He tried to relax and after a while he let himself drift off to sleep to be haunted by wild, violent dreams that had Starsky in them.

Starsky woke up in the middle of the night and listened intently to find out what had awoken him from a sound sleep. At first he heard nothing but the usual forest sounds but then there was another sound that didn't belong to the night and it took him a few seconds to recognize it as crying. In an instant he was wide awake and turned to the apparently sleeping blond. "Hey Hutch." He whispered but when the crying sounds didn't stop he shook the bare shoulder and said in a loud voice "Hutch! Wake up buddy, you're having a nightmare."

Slowly Hutch woke up but when he opened his eyes he still saw the haunting pictures from his dream and with a soft cry he disappeared in the sleeping bag.

"Come on Hutch, it's only a dream." Starsky shook the man in the sleeping bag "come out of there, there's nothing here to be afraid of."

Carefully a blond head appeared again and Starsky turned on the torch to show the disorientated man he was safe in the tent.

"Must have been a bad one huh?"Starsky asked with empathy, knowing how awful nightmares could be.

Sitting up Hutch nodded "You have no idea" he said but Starsky smiled sadly. "Oh yes, I have." He looked at Hutch and tried "you wanna tell me about it? I'm an expert in nightmares, you know."

"I don't know," Hutch hesitated, trying to remember what exactly he'd been dreaming, "I don't think I remember everything."

"That's all right, tell me what you know."

They sat together, shoulder to shoulder in the small tent and Hutch started to tell about his dream. "I don't know where I was but you were there too and it was bad." He shivered and Starsky slung his arm around the quivering shoulders. Grateful for the gesture and the support Hutch went on "I think it was war and there was a lot of shooting and suddenly I saw you lying, bleeding and not moving," he hung his head to hide the tears he felt in his eyes and stuttered, "you were lying next to a red car and I knew you were dead." Starsky pulled him into his arms and whispered "but I'm not dead, I'm right here, alive and kicking. Come on Hutch, it was just a dream, not a premonition."

Still feeling the sadness he had felt in his dream Hutch nodded "but it felt so real!"

"I know."The brunet sighed "I have them all the time and every time I'm back in that hellhole."

Hutch looked at him and saw the shadow that crossed the handsome face "I'm sorry Starsk, so sorry you had to go through all of that."

Composing himself Starsky suddenly grinned "Look at us! Two brand new cops blubbering over some bad dream. What would our captains think if they saw us here, in the middle of nowhere, acting like some nervous virgins?"

Hutch chuckled "Virgins Starsk? You a virgin?"

"Hey, I never said I _am_ a virgin! I said _like_ a virgin!"

"Oh okay then." Hutch yawned and Starsky asked "You think you can go back to sleep now?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm tired enough and I guess the dream won't come back."

"No, it won't. Now be a good boy and close your eyes." When the other did just that Starsky poked him in the ribs "Not on my shoulder, Blondie! Use your pillow."

"Sorry" Hutch mumbled and lay down on his pillow. "'Night Starsk."

"'Night Hutch, pleasant dreams."

A contented sigh was the answer to that and Starsky smiled. 'Wouldn't it be great if I could get rid of my nightmares that easily?' He thought 'If they just weren't real memories it would be much easier.'

He closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep but now _his_ nightmares showed up even while he was wide awake. The mutilated bodies of his comrades, the constant shootings and even the smell of burning flesh came back to him and he bit his lip to keep the screams inside. 'Hell, when will this ever stop?' He thought, 'I've been back now for two years, isn't that enough time to leave it behind me? Or do I have to deal with this for the rest of my life?' Cursing he turned to his right side and finally he fell asleep again without haunting nightmares.

Hutch woke up at half past five, feeling rested and ready for another day in the wild. He turned his head to see if Starsky was awake yet but all he could see was sleeping bag filled with a human form. Starsky's head had disappeared completely in the sleeping bag and he seemed to be sound asleep.

Hutch smiled and his thoughts went back to earlier that night when he had been awoken from a nightmare by the brunet. He felt the fear and sense of loss creep back into his mind and shivered again but resolutely he pushed the scary images away and got up to dress and make coffee. Before he left the tent he looked back at sleeping man and whispered "Thanks buddy, for being there for me last night."

"You can thank me with a huge breakfast." Was the surprising answer and he laughed, when he saw the sleep tousled- hair appear followed by a very sleepy face.

"Did I wake you?" he asked, feeling guilty about waking the brunet so early.

"Nah, I was awake already," Starsky lied ,"so don't get yourself all worked up and don't feel guilty."

A strange feeling of connection filled the blond's being and he wondered what it meant. At the same time Starsky sat up and asked "What was that?"

Understanding what he meant Hutch shrugged "I don't know Starsk, but I feel it too."

"Yuck! It feels like someone is looking right through me and reading my mind!"

Hutch nodded in understanding "I read about these things but never felt it before. You think that you and I…..."

"No! No way!" Starsky almost yelled, "nobody is going to crawl inside my head and read my mind."

"Relax buddy, relax. Maybe we just need some strong coffee to chase the night away."

"It better be just that," Starsky mumbled, "I hate that mumbo jumbo. "

Smiling Hutch went outside and started a fire still feeling oddly happy and connected with a soul mate he only met six months ago.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter** **6**

It was a beautiful morning and after they'd had some kind of breakfast that mostly consisted of candy bars and coffee they packed their camping stuff in the backpacks and went on their way to explore the mountains. Hutch felt good and in his element and refused to think back to the nightmare that had shaken him more than he would let the brunet know. He could still see Starsky lying in a pool of blood and he had a hard time pushing the image away to the back of his mind. Focusing on the beautiful nature around him made him feel better and now he was enjoying being outdoors.

Starsky however was not feeling very happy. He still had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind and he didn't know what to do about it. He saw the beauty around him but couldn't enjoy it and secretly he hoped he would find an excuse to cut this hiking trip short. Being a city boy through and through, he couldn't understand the fun of walking; but the tall blond walking in front of him seemed to enjoy it for the two of them and so Starsky just followed his friend for the sake of their friendship.

"Hey Starsk!" he heard Hutch say "look at this view. It's awesome!"

When he stood next to Hutch he felt his knees buckle with fear. They were standing at the brink of a cliff and looking down upon a very deep valley. Starsky stepped back and turned his back to the breathtaking view. He staggered backwards trying to get away from the terrifying depth until he could lean against a tree and slowly he let himself slide till he was sitting on the ground.

Hutch didn't notice his friend's distress at first, he was completely enraptured by the beauty in front of him but suddenly he had a warning feeling and when he looked around he saw Starsky, pale and sweating, leaning against a tree.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, hurrying to reach the pale brunet "Are you sick, in pain? Come on buddy, talk to me."

But Starsky just looked at him, shook his head and took a deep breath. Worried Hutch sat down beside him "Can you tell me what's wrong Starsk?" he asked softly.

"Heights" Starsky whispered, a bit ashamed for his fear "I hate heights."

Relieved that his friend wasn't sick Hutch smiled at him. " You're not the only one buddy. But why didn't you say anything about that before we started this trip?"

Starsky shrugged. "Dunno, maybe because it's childish."

"Hey, it's not childish. It's very common you know, fear of heights, a lot of people I know are afraid of heights."

"Yeah, well, that may be, but I think it's childish." Starsky said, getting back on his feet again. "Just don't show me any more awesome views Hutch, please! I don't wanna pass out and fall down into that beautiful view."

"That bad huh?"

"Yep, that bad. You're about the only one who knows Hutch" Starsky confessed, "Can I trust you to keep it to yourself?"

"Of course Starsk, I won't say a word but how did you ever keep that from everybody? I mean, you were in the army and no one noticed?" The blond didn't understand how anybody could keep such a thing a secret.

"Well, some people did but they won't tell."

"Why?"

" 'Cause they're dead."

Hutch opened his mouth to say something but closed it again because he didn't know _what _to say. Starsky had said it without any emotion and Hutch was taken aback by the words and the way they were said.

Starsky didn't look at him, he seemed to be thinking of something else, miles away and his face showed grief and pain. Hutch laid his hand on his friend's shoulder and startled Starsky with his touch.

The dark blue eyes locked with the light blue ones and Hutch felt as if he was drawn into the mind of the man standing opposite him. Starsky closed his eyes for a moment and the feeling of connection disappeared but Hutch knew there was something extraordinary between them.

Starsky felt the same thing and although it was a bit disturbing, it wasn't scaring him now like it did before. He closed his eyes and the connection disappeared, leaving him a bit shaky and oddly enough with a feeling of loneliness.

"You think you're ready to go Starsk?" Hutch looked at the still pale face and wondered if his friend would have the courage to go on. But Starsky nodded "Sure, piece of cake this mountain. As long as you don't show me any more scary things I'll be all right."

"That's a deal buddy." Hutch smiled and looked around to see what path would be the best and wouldn't lead to deep valleys. "If we take this path I don't think we'll be in any trouble." he said, pointing in a direction opposite from where they'd come from, "It looks all flat and easy going."

Starsky looked skeptical "Are you sure Hutch? It looks pretty rough to me."

"But it's all flat" Hutch tried to convince the other "and a few rocks won't kill us."

"Well…" Starsky hesitated "if you say so Mr. Nature Lover, I'll give it a try."

"Okay, let's do it then." Hutch waited till Starsky was ready to go and side by side they left the place with the beautiful view.

Totally at ease with his surroundings Hutch felt himself relax and he walked like the experienced man he really was. Starsky had walked a lot in the past but not for the same reason as the blond. He had never liked walking and during his time in Vietnam he had learned to hate it. Back then they'd walked for hours and hours in the horrible, humid heat, surrounded by the enemy they couldn't see or hear. Even now, walking with his friend, he couldn't get rid of the feeling of looming danger. Suddenly he stopped and turned around. "I'm going home" he said and started walking back. Hutch stared at the broad, retreating back and yelled "what are you doing Starsk? Wait buddy, let's talk about this." He hurried after the brunet who didn't stop or look back but just kept going and when Hutch reached him and grabbed his arm he didn't react to that either.

For a moment Hutch didn't know what to do but then he tightened his grip and said "Look at me Starsky. Look at me!"

Almost as if waking up from a dream Starsky looked at him and repeated "I'm going home."

"Why? What's wrong Starsk? What happened?"

Finally Starsky stood still and looking around he whispered "I need to go home Hutch; I can't stay here, too many memories."

"Have you been here before?"

"No, not here but somehow it brings back memories I don't want to have and it feels like there's danger around every corner." He shivered. "I can't stay, I'm sorry."

"I'm going with you; I won't let you go back alone."

Starsky shook his head "You can stay; don't wanna spoil your week Hutch. Just go and enjoy yourself. See you on Monday." With those words he walked away from the astonished blond.

Hutch stared after his retreating friend and felt his panic rise. 'It's a nightmare.' he thought 'It's a freakin' nightmare.' For a moment he couldn't move but suddenly he found himself running and yelling Starsky's name "Starsky wait. Wait for me Starsk." But Starsky didn't hear him or pretended not to hear him because he just walked on, almost running as if the devil were on his heels.

Hutch moved his long legs faster until he reached his fleeing friend and grabbed his arm almost desperately. Starsky tried to free himself from the strong grip but Hutch didn't let go, he just held on. Panting and not able to say a word, he looked at the man he called his friend and shook his head "You're not going alone," he finally managed to say. "If you're going, I'm going." He took a few deep breaths to calm down his heartbeat and tugging at Starsky's arm he continued "Let's sit down Starsk."

Starsky looked at him as if he'd never seen him before, the haunting images still in his mind, but the soft voice of the persistent blond finally pushed away the overwhelming memories that had taken his sanity for long, long minutes. "Hutch," it sounded as if he saw him for the first time in days, "Hutch, what happened?"

Hutch sat down, still holding the dazed man's arm and urged him to sit down. Starsky complied and without another word he sat down next to his friend. They sat together in silence for several minutes; both men trying to understand what had happened and Hutch especially trying to find the right words to say.

"Starsk" he started carefully "do you know what happened? Did something like this ever happen before?"

He could 'feel' Starsky shaking his head but the brunet didn't say a word, he was still trying to work out for himself what he wanted the other man to know. 'What can I tell him?' he wondered. 'He's gonna think I'm mad and maybe I _am_! It sure would explain a lot.' He snorted at that thought and Hutch looked at him, alarmed by the sounds he heard but he relaxed a little when he saw the dark blue eyes looking his way.

"Sometimes it helps to talk you know." He tried again but Starsky just shrugged and looked away, making it clear he didn't want to say anything about what bothered him. Sighing Hutch stared at the tree on the other side of the path and was surprised when he heard his friend hesitatingly say "It has nothing to do with you Hutch, believe me, it's just……you know……I can't talk about it." The last words were whispered and Hutch felt a sudden lump in his throat. It sounded so desperate, so scared and so lonely that Hutch had to suppress the urge to embrace the man beside him. "It's okay Starsk," he said softly. "If you're not ready to talk we'll wait till you are. As long as you remember that _when_ you're ready I'll be here, right next to you and together we'll be beat what ever is haunting you."

"Thanks….partner."

That word surprised Hutch and when he looked questioningly at his friend Starsky smiled a little. "I don't know why I said that but I think it sounds right. Dunno why, but it does."

Hutch smiled back. "Yeah… it sounds right and we w_ill_ be partners some day, won't we?"

Starsky sighed "Yeah" and a bit embarrassed he added "I don't know why I ran away from you………….or actually …I _do_ know why, but I can't explain it." He made an irritated gesture with his hands "It's hard you know, to live with things you once did, even when you never wanted to do them." He stared at the same tree Hutch had stared at earlier "There are many things I regret Hutch but there isn't a damn thing I can do about it anymore," he shook his head, "not a damn thing."

Hutch said nothing; he didn't know _what_ to say _'How can I ever help you buddy. I've never been in situations like you have and I really have no idea what they made you do, but it must have been hell!'_

To Hutch's surprise Starsky asked "Have you ever been forced to do something you knew was wrong?"

"No….well…..maybe, but it's not something like you've been through."

"You _don't_ know what I've been through Hutch, so maybe it _is_ something just as bad."

"I don't think so buddy." Hutch couldn't stop the grin on his face, "unless you think that being forced going to med school is almost as bad as war."

"Hm….no." Starsky flashed a smile at Hutch, "no, I don't think that's the same but it must have been pretty bad for you though."

"Yeah, it was at the time but I told you about my father and there was no way for me to go against his wishes……..back then." He waited and stared at his hands, "It was the same with Nancy, you know. She was a nice girl, beautiful, sexy but demanding. And my father adored her and insisted I'd marry her and I, young and stupid as I was, thought it was a good idea. Can you believe that? I let my father dictate my life and hardly rebelled against it. I think he trained me well."

"He could have been one of the drill sergeants in boot camp." Starsky chuckled; finally feeling more at ease.

"Hey, I think even a drill sergeant could have learned a lot from my father about training." Hutch grinned, relieved that the crisis seemed to be over. He looked around and suggested "What do you think Starsk, shall we set up camp here? Or do you wanna look for a better place?"

"Nah, its okay with me," the New Yorker agreed. "I'm too tired to walk another mile."

"Well, you can sit there and take it easy while I pitch the tent." Hutch suggested "And when I'm done I'll fix us something to eat."

"That shouldn't be too difficult," Starsky quipped, "since we only have soup and beans."

"Maybe I can find us some berries or mushrooms." Hutch answered working on the tent "Beans and mushrooms are delicious."

"No mushrooms buddy, I don't wanna be poisoned."

"Hey, I know which mushrooms are edible! Don't worry about that Starsk; you're perfectly safe with what I'll serve you."

"Really," the brunet muttered. "How do I know you won't pick the wrong ones by accident?"

"Because _I_ know which one you can eat. Trust me, I won't poison you."

Hutch had the tent pitched in no time and quickly he put their things inside and spread out a sleeping bag.

"You want to lie down for a while Starsk, while I make us something to eat?"

Starsky looked at him with suspicion. "Can I trust ya with the food?" he asked "You're sure ya won't be in any trouble while I'm here taking a nap?"

Hutch heard the concern in the other's voice and he felt a warmth he hadn't felt in a long, long time. 'Maybe never,' he thought. 'When was the last time somebody really cared how I was doing?" His father had never cared, Nancy had never cared, maybe his mother had cared but she had never said or showed anything that looked like caring. And here was Starsky, upset, shaken, traumatized but caring. For him! Overwhelmed by his feelings Hutch couldn't say a word but he nodded and smiled a shaky smile.

Starsky was too tired to notice Hutch's emotions; that morning's events had drained him from all energy and with a sigh he stretched out on the sleeping bag. Within seconds he was asleep and Hutch, looking at the now relaxed face wondered for the umpteenth time what the hell had happened to the man.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter** **7**

Hutch returned with mushrooms and blueberries and was relieved to find Starsky still sound asleep without any signs of distress. Sighing, he started preparing a meal with the mushrooms and beans. He was hungry he noticed, but that was not surprising after a lousy breakfast and an emotional morning. As quietly as possible he stirred the beans and cooked the mushrooms but apparently he wasn't quiet enough because he was surprised by Starsky's voice: "Dinner ready?"

Hutch turned around and saw the sleepy face of his friend, his eyes bleary and ready to fall shut again.

"Almost buddy" he smiled. "You had a nice nap?"

Starsky stretched and sat up "Yeah, no dreams anyway."

"That's good" the blond nodded "you wanna drink something?"

"Well, a beer would be nice," Starsky stood up and stretched again, "but as we don't have that, what can you offer me?"

"There's coffee if you like, or water or……a soda you bought yesterday."

Starsky thought about that for a second "I think I'll go for the coffee, need to wake up."

"Okay" Hutch poured him a mug and handed it to his friend "Careful, it's hot" he warned and turned back to the pan of food.

Starsky sipped his coffee and let his thoughts drift back to earlier that day. He felt better now, not haunted by the images he couldn't get out of his head most of the time and although they _were_ therenow, the calming presence of his blond friend seemed to push them away a bit. 'God' he thought 'I just want to start a new life. Gimme a break please.'

Hutch's voice startled him and he spilt his coffee over his jeans. "Geez Hutch, look what you've done now!" he started vigorously to wipe the drops from his jeans with his hands. "What's the matter anyway?"

Hutch looked at the futile attempts Starsky made to clean up his jeans "I said that dinner is ready," and kneeling down next to the muttering brunet, he continued, "I don't think that will help very much buddy. Here, have a towel."

Starsky took the towel Hutch handed him and started drying his leg again "Could have burned my leg here, you know," he muttered, "or something more important."

Chuckling, Hutch filled the plates and handed the brunet one. "Here, eat something. I bet it'll make you feel better."

Still wiping his jeans Starsky took the plate with one hand and managed not to spill the beans. Carefully he placed the plate on the ground and checked if his leg was dry enough for him to start eating.

Hutch watched with amazement his friend's movements and started laughing when the other man finally seemed content with the results of his cleaning.

Starsky scowled at him and asked, "what's so funny, Blondie?"

"You are Starsk. Why bother about some coffee spots on your pants, huh?"

The other shrugged, "Old habit, I guess."

"Army habit?" Hutch stopped laughing and, a bit worried, he waited for Starsky's reaction to his question. He knew that his friend's army time was probably a forbidden subject but he couldn't help it, he was curious about it.

"Yeah." Hutch was a surprised to receive an answer "If I had ever showed up like this I'd have been scrubbing floors for a week………with a toothbrush!"

Hutch whistled through his teeth and still a bit hesitant about the subject he asked "Did you ever have to do that? Scrubbing floors with a toothbrush?"

Starsky nodded and grinned "More than once. But I guess, after the third time, I understood what they meant when they said that our shoes ought to shine and our uniforms should be impeccable."

"I guess old habits die hard" Hutch said and Starsky nodded "Yeah they do but some of those habits should better have died a long time ago." He looked at his hand that absentmindedly brushed the now almost dry spot on his jeans.

Hutch held his breath at the last words and waited if there was more Starsky would reveal, but the other man seemed to be lost in thoughts and Hutch expected those thoughts to be horrible. Although he had been safe at college, having fun with his friends and Nancy, he knew about the horrors of war and what it could do with people. 'Reading the paper about it was bad enough' he thought 'but being there and fighting there is a different story Kenny, you know that' He dry washed his face and sighed. "Don't forget to eat something buddy," food was a safe subject "It's getting cold."

"Hm?"

"Eat Starsk. It's getting cold."

"Oh…yes…okay" Starsky returned to the present and smiled a small smile "It smells good."

"It tastes even better, I promise!"

Starsky picked up a fork and took a careful bite. "Hey, this tastes really good Hutch, you're a good cook!" He took another bite and nodded in appreciation. "Yes, it's really good. You like cooking?"

"Yes I do and I cooked a lot during my marriage. Nancy hated it and if she'd have had it her way we would have been eating out every night."

Enthusiastically chewing Starsky nodded "I know the type," he said round a mouthful of food, "always afraid to break a nail."

Hutch snickered "Exactly," he agreed, "she couldn't even boil water without help."

"Oh man," the brunet grinned "she must have been real good in bed though. I think you'd have ditched her long before you did if she wasn't."

"She was buddy, she was." Hutch was surprised how much he liked this bantering, even now his marriage was the subject. 'Besides, 'he thought 'Nancy deserves all of this even if she's not here to hear it.'

"You're from Minnesota, ain't ya?"

"Yep! Duluth, Minnesota. Why?"

"Well, I thought I heard that back at the academy but I wasn't sure." He looked at Hutch intently "Was Nancy from Duluth too?"

"Yeah" Hutch answered, wondering what the questions meant.

"If you were both raised in Duluth, how come that she was so …so ...sly? I can see you as the innocent farm boy but she sure doesn't seem an innocent farm girl to me. More like a cunning bitch looking for a rich, easy target."

Hutch blushed at those words and annoyed he snapped "I wasn't that innocent Starsk! I've had my share of girls and….."

"I don't mean _that_ Hutch" Starsky interrupted him "I mean, she knew what she was looking for and you just fell for her pretty face without asking a single question. Am I right?"

'_How the hell did we end up here with our conversation?' Hutch wondered 'And who the hell does he think he is?'_

Starsky grinned at him as if he had heard Hutch's inner questions. "Relax buddy, I just wanna know if I'm right. I won't condemn you for it."

"You know nothing about it Starsky. I didn't just 'fall' for her. I told you before that it was my father's wish and he always gets what he wants."

"Hmm, yes you told me that but I can't imagine you had absolutely no feelings for her."

"I guess I thought I loved her." Hutch confessed, calmer now. "Or maybe I told myself I did, just to feel a little in control of my life."

"I don't think I like your father Hutch."

"Well, you're not the only one Starsk, I don't like him either."

Starsky looked at him a bit sad "I'm really sorry for that Hutch. A son shouldn't have to dislike his father and a father shouldn't dictate a son's life. It's such a shame that your father doesn't see it that way."

Feeling a little confused Hutch asked "How is your relationship with your father Starsk?"

Starsky shrugged, "there isn't any" he said.

Surprised, Hutch stared at Starsky "What do you mean? How can you not have a relationship with your father?"

"That's easy enough," the brunet shrugged again. "He's dead."

"Shit!" was all the blond could say and Starsky smiled at that.

"Yeah, that's the right word for it I guess." He hesitated a second before he went on. "It's almost thirteen years ago but I still miss him."

Hutch nodded, not knowing what to say but imagining a very young Starsky without a father made him feel deeply sad for the blue-eyed, curly-haired man. He wanted to ask what had happened but didn't have the nerve to do it; it felt like prying to him and he didn't want to upset his friend with questions that certainly must be painful.

Starsky saw the emotions run over the blond's face and he understood his silence as if he could read his mind. "It's okay Hutch, I can talk about it. You see, my dad was a cop and I admired him. He walked his beat every day and I was so proud when he left the house in his uniform. Every night I waited for him at the corner of the street, just to walk next to him in his uniform and when we got home mom had dinner ready and he told us about his day while we were eating. Sometimes I was so enthralled by his stories, that I forgot to eat and mom told him to shut up till after dinner." He smiled at the memories and chuckled. "My dad may have been a cop but Ma…..Ma is something else. She was the boss at home and my dad never beat her in any battle."

Hutch laughed, glad that Starsky had these wonderful memories from his early childhood and grateful that he wanted to share them with him. His own childhood had been completely different, he realized, and though he had thought it to be normal when he was little, he now knew it had come very close to child abuse. He was never beaten but his father had tried to mold him into something he never was or wanted to be. He had used methods that didn't leave scars or bruises on the outside but the more on the inside and Hutch still felt them every day.

"Did your dad ever beat you?" he asked, curious how other fathers treated their kids.

Starsky grinned "Once and I deserved that." he stared in the distance, his mind back to that particular evening when he'd had the first and only beating his father had ever given him "I was a curious kid you know and my dad's gun was the one forbidden item in the house, so I _had_ to take a look at it closely. He always kept the gun in a locked closet and one night when they were at the neighbors for an hour or so I saw my chance and went looking for it." He shook his head, still captured in the memory and Hutch held his breath almost seeing the young curly haired boy playing a very dangerous game. "Dumb kid I was then. I tried all the closets and finally found one locked in my parents' bedroom. I knew it had to be the gun's hiding place and I tried to open it but couldn't do it so I went looking for the key. I found it in my dad's nightstand and before I knew it I had the gun in my hand. Wow, did I feel great at that moment, stupid kid that I was, but I wanted to load it just to see if I could do it, you know. I had no plans on using it or trying to shoot or anything, I just was curious about it. I found the bullets in his nightstand and I loaded the gun, very proud that I could do it, but then I pulled the trigger by accident and you know I was so shocked by the sound that I pulled it again! God, I was so scared that I started crying and then my father came in and grabbed the gun. He was very calm and locked it away, not saying a word. That scared me even more because, you know, when my dad was angry he yelled and now he never said a word! Ma came in and I remember her being pale as a sheet and crying but my dad grabbed my arm and took me to the basement where he beat the crap out of me, never saying a word."

Hutch was totally caught up in the story and almost forgot to breathe. "Holy shit!" he said "You could have been dead!"

Starsky nodded "Yep," he said, "but instead I was black and blue and everything hurt but I never blamed him for beating me, I knew I had done something stupid and dangerous and you know what? My father cried almost as hard as I did and that hurt the most."

"How old were you Starsk?"

"Almost ten, my birthday was two days later."

"How long did it take before he wasn't angry anymore?" Hutch remembered the times his own father had been angry at him and had ignored him for days. He still felt the loneliness of those days and wondered if Starsky's father had done the same to his son.

"Well, after the beating he felt so bad that he forgot his anger I guess, but he found another way to make me see how dangerous weapons are."

"Yeah? How did he do that?"

Starsky looked at Hutch "It wasn't pretty but it worked. The next day he took me to the morgue and that was so creepy I just wanted to run away but he had his hand on my neck and pushed me through a door. Man, I can still feel his hand pushing me to one of those slabs and I can still see the kid that was lying there, shot to death and god, Hutch, I was so scared that I started puking my guts up" He shivered at the memory and his voice trembled when he continued "It is something I'll never forget. That kid was about my age and my dad said: 'that's what happens when kids play with guns Davey' and then he took me outside and I remember that the sun was so warm and I felt so cold." He wrapped his arms around himself as if to chase the cold away he'd felt so many years ago. Hutch ached for the little boy his friend once was but kept silent, waiting for the rest of the story, knowing he had not heard everything yet.

"You know Hutch" Starsky _did_ go on "My dad crouched next to me and said "Never forget what guns can do Davey. They're not toys, they kill. I am so sorry I had to put you through this but it was the only thing I could think of to show you what could have happened last night." Starsky almost whispered now, the memory of that day so clear in his mind that all the feelings he'd felt then came back to him "We went home and never talked about it anymore and I never even _thought_ about taking his gun again."

Hutch swallowed hard before he could say "Buddy, that was a very, very hard way to learn the dangers about guns. You were so young and to be confronted with death that way is horrible."

"Yeah, but it worked and it hurt my dad as much as it hurt me, I'm sure of that. He hardly spoke for the next two days and I saw him looking my way sometimes with such sadness and, I think now, regret that I'll never forget it for the rest of my life." He sighed a deep sigh "Too bad it couldn't stop me from doing what I did when I was older." He added softly.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter** **8**

Hutch said nothing for a while, shocked by Starsky's last words. _'What have you done? Or better,_ _what happened to you?'_ He refused to believe the brunet would have done something real bad without being forced to do it.

Starsky watched his friend intently, regretting his last words but he had said them before he knew it and couldn't take them back anymore. _'What is it with you Hutch? I keep saying things I don't want to, but somehow you make me say it. How do you do that?'_

Carefully, afraid of using the wrong words, the blond started. "I can't believe you did something ….." but Starsky interrupted him roughly "Ya better believe it Hutch; I did and that's all I'm ever gonna say about it!"

"But Starsk..."

Starsky jumped to his feet almost shouting "No! I won't talk about it Hutch. I won't."

To Hutch's surprise he didn't run away like earlier that day but stood there panting and with clenched fists.

'_Stay calm, Kenny, stay calm now. Don't scare him away with your prying.'_

"Easy Starsk, take it easy. I won't ask anymore, I promise. Please sit down now, huh?"

With obvious reluctance the brunet sat down again, never facing his friend and not saying another word. His lips were a thin white line and his blue eyes almost turned black while he obviously fought an inner battle.

Hutch watched him from the corner of his eye, relieved that Starsky had done what he'd asked but afraid to say something that would break the fragile grip his friend had on his emotions. The grief and regret were so evident on Starsky's face that Hutch had to close his eyes. He knew he should say something and searching for the right words that wouldn't cause the curly-haired man to run away he started "I'm sorry Starsk; I shouldn't have dragged you with me on this trip."

Coming back from a very dark place in his mind Starsky looked at him, his face a big question mark "What do you mean? You didn't drag me, I came with you 'cause I wanted to"

"Maybe, but if I hadn't asked you to come you wouldn't feel so miserable now."

"I can feel miserable anywhere Hutch, but it's better to feel like this with a friend then being alone and throwing my plates against the wall."

"Much cheaper too." Hutch smiled sadly and was rewarded with a thin smile from Starsky.

"That's for sure Blondie and you know, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I spoiled this week for ya and threw a load of shit your way that ya never asked for"

"Hey, that's what friends are for buddy" Hutch protested "To catch the shit and get rid of it"

"Maybe it's better not to be friends Hutch; I mean, I'm so messed up sometimes and I don't want to drag you into my fucking past"

"Too late Starsk! There's no devil in hell or anywhere that can call off this friendship." '_Where did that_ _come from?'_ Hutch wondered and the look on Starsky's face told him that he was thinking the same thing. But he couldn't stop himself from going on "Friendship is in the heart and not in the mind so no more talking about calling off anything 'cause you're my friend, no matter what you say or do."

"Geez Hutch, I didn't know you'd get angry. I'm sorry buddy, are ya alright now?"

Hutch nodded, still confused by his outburst "Yeah, I'm fine as long as you stop talking nonsense. Whoa, I don't know why I said what I said but I can tell you this Starsk: it felt damn good." He shook his head "I meant what I said buddy, you're my friend and nothing will stop me from calling you that so you'd better get used to it."

"It won't be hard to get used to that," Starsky confessed. "You know, when I first met you there was something familiar about you. No, no let me finish," he said when Hutch tried to interrupt him, "I thought I knew what it was but I was wrong ya know, it wasn't my CO, that bastard, it was as if I'd known ya long before we met." He shrugged, "I know it sounds weird but that's how it felt."

"No, it doesn't sound weird." Hutch hurried to reassure Starsky. "I felt something like that too." He grinned "If you were a woman I'd say that I'd been waiting for you all my life."

Starsky scowled at him. "Don't ya dare Hutchinson! I'm not like that and if _you_ are you'd better tell me now if ya get my drift."

"Only joking Starsk. Only joking." Hutch laughed, happy that they'd cleared the air and that Starsky's mood had improved considerably.

"Good." Starsky now smiled, "as long as ya don't get the wrong ideas, we'll be fine together."

Hutch lay down on his back, his hands under his head and stared at the clear blue sky. "Aaahh Starsk, we're gonna change the world won't we?" Hutch had had visions of making a difference in people's lives from the moment he had decided to become a cop and now, now he'd met Starsky, he could almost see them working together and making the lives of the less fortunate in the world easier.

Starsky snorted. "Sure, we'll make the entire world a better place and maybe we can stop all the wars when we're at it. Stop dreaming Hutch; it won't be a walk in the park you know."

"I know that." Hutch answered, not willing to let his bubble burst yet "but we can do a lot of good, don't you think?"

"Maybe" Starsky agreed "but the main thing will be to get the bad guys from the street and believe me, they won't go without a fight."

Hutch sighed "No, they won't but wouldn't it be nice to clean up Bay City together and really make a difference?"

Starsky lay down next to Hutch, his hands under his head like his friend and chuckled, glad for the diversion. "You're a real dreamer aren't ya Hutch? Just my luck to find a friend who's dreaming about world peace, and cleaning crime off the streets."

"Well" Hutch said "I could have worse dreams."

"Yeah, you certainly could." Starsky agreed "You could have nightmares about the war or about your father's murder."

As if bitten by a snake Hutch sat right up and whispered, "your father was murdered?"

Still lying on his back Starsky looked at him and said in a steady voice. "He was gunned down when I was thirteen. I saw it happen; it was a drive by shooting. They never caught the killers."

Hutch stared at him trying to digest what the brunet just told him and horrified by the thought of a thirteen year old boy watching his father being murdered he choked out "Jesus, Starsk!"

"It's a long time ago Hutch, I dealt with it."

"How?" Hutch was still stunned by his friend's latest revelation.

Starsky sat up and shrugged "I don't know, I just did" He looked at Hutch and asked "Are you going to catch some fish you think?"

"Huh?"

"Fish. Are you going to catch us some fish?" Starsky said as if explaining to a child.

"You want me to go fishing?" Hutch couldn't believe his ears.

"Yeah I want you to get me a fish. You said you would, so….. Are you going to now?"

"Starsky! You can't expect me to act as if nothing happened after what you just told me." Hutch stared at the brunet in total disbelief.

"Why not? It happened a long time ago and I dealt with it." He sighed. "I shouldn't have told ya, you're way too sensitive."

"I'm not sensitive. Well… maybe I am but this would have shocked anyone, not just me."

"I guess you're not gonna catch me a fish? Okay, I'll do it myself then. See ya in a minute." And to Hutch's astonishment the brunet stood up, took the fishing gear and left.

"Hey Starsk!" he yelled at the retreating figure "Wait for me."

Starsky looked back and stopped walking "Okay, but hurry up will ya? Those beans and mushrooms need company."

"Alright, alright hold your horses." The blond said, panting from the short but fast run. "There's a creek just behind those trees." He pointed at a row of pine trees on a hillock, "maybe we'll eat trout tonight."

"Great. Let's go then; we can't keep our trout waiting, can we?"

Hutch looked at his watch "We haven't much time buddy, it's getting dark soon. I hope we will catch something before it's too late."

"The more reason to hurry then. Come on, let's go!" Starsky was already on his way towards the trees Hutch had pointed out.

When they reached the trees Starsky was struck by the view and held his breath before he said "Wow Hutch, I think I do like nature when it's like this; it's awesome."

Hutch chuckled "Not too high for you Starsk?"

"Nah, I think this is just high enough for me. Now where's my trout?"

"Follow me" Hutch walked in front and Starsky followed, still carrying the fishing gear.

A few minutes later they were standing at the bank of the creek and Hutch, already busy with the fishing rod, asked "You ever do much fishing, Starsk?"

"Nah" Starsky shook his head "I did when I was a kid though with my dad, but after he died I never touched a fishing pole again."

Hutch nodded, understanding his friend completely. "You wanna try it again now?" he asked, handing Starsky the fishing rod.

The brunet stared at the item as if he'd never seen it before "Nah, I don't think so Hutch but thanks anyway. You're a much better fisherman than I am," he chuckled; "you showed that yesterday, remember?"

"Oh yeah, the baby fish." The blond grinned "Too bad we didn't eat them, I think they'd have made good dinner for us."

Starsky sat down on a big rock and started chewing on a grass stalk he'd picked. "Do you have brothers or sisters?" he asked, surprising Hutch once again with the change of topic.

"Huh, yes I have a sister. She's two years younger than I am and she's married to a doctor. You can imagine that she made her daddy really happy with that." The last words were said with sarcasm and Starsky understood the reason why.

"Are you an uncle already?"

"Sshh Starsk, I think I got our dinner. Look." Hutch whispered his eyes glued to the float that disappeared under water "It feels like a big one."

"Good." Starsky whispered back staring at the water that still was hiding his dinner. "I'm hungry."

With an experienced movement Hutch pulled up a medium sized trout. "Gotcha!" he cheered. "Our dinner Starsk!" He unhooked the struggling fish and showed it to the brunet. "You think it will be enough for the two of us?"

With a disgusted look on his face Starsky stared at the fish "I don't think I'm hungry anymore Hutch" he said "Throw the poor thing back into the water will you?"

"Hey, you wanted fish for dinner! I caught a fish and now you want me to throw it back?"

"Yeah, I'm not hungry anymore. Maybe there was something wrong with the mushrooms. I just lost my appetite."

Hutch stared at him with his mouth open "But….."

"Throw it back Hutch. Now!" Starsky was adamant. "I'm not gonna eat that fish so you'd better throw it back where it belongs before it dies."

Confused Hutch returned the trout to the water where it swam away quickly. With regret he saw his catch disappear and when he turned to Starsky he saw a smile on the brunet's face. "You're happy now?" he snapped "What do you wanna eat now, huh?"

Still smiling Starsky shrugged "There's still candy" he said "I can eat some of the candy bars and if you make your fantastic coffee, we won't starve tonight"

"Why did you do that?" Hutch didn't understand it "Why did you want me to let the fish go?"

"Well…I suddenly…."

"Don't say it Starsk. Don't say you lost your appetite buddy, 'cause I don't believe you and there was nothing wrong with the mushrooms either so tell me why you changed your mind."

Starsky looked at his hands "When my pop and I went fishing we always let the fish go and when I saw that poor fish trying to get free I just didn't want to eat it anymore. It's just an innocent fish, ya know, he hadn't done anything wrong so why would we kill him?"

"Because we wanted to eat fish." Hutch said as if explaining to a child, "and when you want to eat fish you have to kill it first."

Starsky stood up. "I'm going back to the tent," he said and turned to leave the creek.

"Wait a second Starsk, I have to get my gear and then I'll come with you"

Starsky nodded and waited till Hutch had gathered his fishing gear and together they returned to their camp where Hutch started to make coffee and Starsky disappeared in the tent to search for some candy bars.

The day came to an end when they sat together in front of the tent, drinking coffee and eating candy in silence. Starsky had just munched down his third chocolate bar when the blond asked "You want me to believe that you never killed a fish?"

Starsky looked at him, surprised by the question, and swallowed down his last bite "No, I don't want you to believe that."

"Then why…?"

"I'll tell you why! When I saw that fish fighting for his life I felt sorry for him. He hadn't done anything wrong; he was just stupid enough to get caught by you. And you know what? I was so glad I could feel sorry for a fish that I could have kissed him. But he would never have survived that so I wanted to thank him by releasing him." A bit embarrassed by his outburst he looked at Hutch who stared at him and wondered, not for the first time, how much more there was to discover about this man and how often he would be surprised by the man he called his friend.

"Sorry, I didn't wanna say all that but ya know Hutch, when you've been in a war, no matter what you did or didn't do, you sometimes lose the ability to feel sorry for anyone or anything! I hated that but couldn't help it and now, with the fish, I could feel sorry for him and that made me feel more human than I've felt in a long time. That's why." He turned his head away and stared in the dark that surrounded them. Something inside his soul stirred and suddenly he felt happier than he had in a long, long time. Softly he said "You make me feel human again buddy. Don't ask me why or how, but that's what I feel and …"

"It's okay Starsk; you don't have to explain anything to me. I don't know what you've been through but I know that it must have been hell and worse and if saving a little fish's life makes you feel more human, I'm willing to save an entire ocean of fish anytime!" He slung his arm around the other man's shoulder in a gesture of support and friendship and grateful Starsky leaned his head on the broad shoulder.

"Thanks Hutch, but that won't be necessary," he chuckled, relieved with the support and understanding the blond offered him. "Maybe I'll ask you tomorrow to catch another fish, as long as it is not that one."

Hutch snorted "How do you think I'll recognize him huh? It was just a trout like there are hundreds of trout and I could see nothing special about him."

Relaxing in the embrace Starsky mumbled "We should have named him; that would have made it easier to recognize him."

"What do you think is a good name for a trout?"

"Hmm….Henry . That's a good one." The brunet closed his eyes. "You think I could teach a fish to learn his name? Or can't they hear a thing 'cause they live under water?"

"I don't know Starsk, but I can look it up when we're home if you want. But now I think you should go to sleep and not on my shoulder. Come on; get in the tent before I have to carry you. I don't think I can manage that buddy."

"Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going."

"Good boy!" Hutch smiled and stood up to help his sleepy friend to his feet. He watched how he disappeared into the tent and prayed that the night would be peaceful and without nightmares.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter** 9

Both men slept that night without being interrupted by dreams and when Hutch woke up he decided to go fishing and make them a breakfast with fresh fish and some berries he'd seen the other day. Without waking Starsky, he left the tent and dressed outside, making as little noise as possible. He took his fishing gear and left their camp site, happy with the beautiful day and the surprise breakfast he was about to catch. Whistling softly he hurried to the creek and when he arrived there he prepared the fishing rod and threw the line with a skilled movement into the water. The float bobbed a few times and then stood still, waiting to be pulled under by the first fish that bit.

Hutch waited patiently, enjoying the silence and the beauty that surrounded him. 'This is the good life' he thought 'No city sounds, just birds and bees and water. I should do this more often!' He sighed in contentment and his thoughts returned to his grandfather's farm and the fantastic summers he'd spent there. 'I have to tell Starsky about him' he told himself 'he's gonna love those stories'

He was taken back from his reverie when he felt the fishing pole almost being tugged from his hands and with a quick movement he hooked the fish and reeled it in. Unhooking and killing it didn't take much time; even when a little voice in the back of his mind asked him if he was sure it wasn't Henry.

The fish were hungry that morning and soon Hutch had caught enough for a hearty breakfast. He cleaned his catch before he returned to the tent, not wanting to upset his friend by doing it in front of his friend's eyes.

By the time he returned he was hungry enough to eat the fish raw so the smell of coffee that reached him was a nice surprise. "Morning Starsk" he greeted the brunet, who was busy making coffee. "Good morning Hutch, where have ya been this early?" Starsky turned his head and saw the fish Hutch held in his hand "Oh, I see. You've been catching our breakfast." He turned back to the coffee pot and carefully poured two mugs with the hot drink. Handing Hutch a mug he said "I'm hungry. How long do ya need to cook that fish?"

Relieved that Starsky wasn't bothered by the fact that Hutch had been fishing again he smiled "Since you got the fire started already it won't be long buddy." Carefully he sipped his coffee and laid the fish down next to the fire on the ground "Coffee's good Starsk." He put a small frying pan on the fire and placed the first fish in it. "Hm hm" the brunet agreed "but I could really do with something solid now, pal. Hurry up with those fish, would ya"

Hutch grinned "Just a second, just a second" he turned the fish in the frying pan so the other side would be crispy too. It smelled delicious and both men felt their stomach rumble in anticipation of the food.

When the fish was finally done they started eating with enthusiasm; Starsky sighed and said, his mouth full with the first bite, "This is the best fish I ever tasted Hutch." Pleased with the compliment Hutch nodded "My grandfather taught me how to fish and how to cook it. I spent every summer with him when I was a kid; I wish you could meet him but he died a few years ago"

"You two were close?" Starsky asked around another mouthful and Hutch nodded, suddenly feeling sad. "Yeah, we were. I've always wished my father had been more like him but I guess he took after his mother. I never met her; she died when I was a baby"

"So" the brunet went on, trying to chase the blond's sadness away "you and your granddad went fishing a lot. What else did you do?"

"He had a farm and I loved it there." Hutch returned to better memories "I always helped him with the horses he owned and sometimes we went riding"

"You like horse riding? Geez Hutch, horses are huge. Did you ever fall off?"

Hutch laughed, suddenly enjoying himself immensely telling Starsky about his happier childhood memories "Yeah, of course I did. I even broke my arm once but grandfather always told me to climb back on the horse because, if I didn't, I'd never have the guts to do it ever again. So I did and then we just rode on until I almost fell asleep and grandfather would put me in front of him on his horse and bring me home."

He rested his head in his hand, his elbow leaning on his bent knee, and said "every time I was sad or in pain I ran to him for the comfort I didn't get at home and the funny thing is, he never said anything bad about my parents. I think that's why they let me go to him every summer" he snorted "and of course to have me out of the way so they could go on with their lives."

"And your sister?" Starsky wanted to know "Did she stay with you and your grandfather too?"

"No" the blond shook his head "she always stayed home with my mother and when my mother had to go to one of her committees the maid took care of her. You see, she's a girl and staying on the farm wasn't very lady-like. And she _was_ a little lady. Afraid of getting dirty or hurting herself."

"She's no lady anymore?" Starsky grinned.

Hutch grinned back "No, she's no lady anymore." He now laughed out loud "if she throws one of her tantrums she can be as foulmouthed as any sailor."

"Hey I think I like the lady," Starsky chuckled "Any chance I'll meet her one day?"

"Aren't you forgetting something Starsk? She's married, remember?"

"I never said I wanted to marry her Hutch. I just wanna meet her, she sounds real interesting."

Still laughing Hutch filled their mugs with the last bit of coffee "She lives near Duluth so I don't think there's a big chance you two will ever meet but who knows" he finished his coffee " She married a nice guy you know. He's a little older than she is but still, he's a nice guy."

"You see them a lot?"

"No, just now and then; mostly with Christmas when we're supposed to come home and celebrate but …." he shrugged "most of the times I'm gone long before dinner."

"That sucks Hutch, Christmas should be a happy time, not you fighting with your father and walking away angry. I love Christmas."He added "When I was a kid we didn't celebrate Christmas."

"Why not?"

"What do you think? We're Jewish, so no Christmas for us but we did celebrate Hanukkah though."

"I didn't know that." Hutch said, "about you being Jewish I mean."

"Does it make any difference to you?" Starsky had had his share of hostility directed at him just because of his religion and he was afraid that his new friend would have second thoughts about their friendship now.

"Don't be an ass Starsk! Of course not, why should I care what religion you follow. I guess I'm glad about it, now we don't have to celebrate Christmas"

"Who says I don't celebrate Christmas?"

Confused Hutch stared at him "You just told me you're Jewish and you never …."

"I do now." Starsky interrupted him "I love Christmas! All the lights and decorations. And presents of course, lots of presents." He grinned at Hutch's stunned expression "Get used to it buddy, we're gonna celebrate Christmas like you never celebrated it before!"

The next morning after they finished breakfast and Hutch started to break their camp while Starsky cleaned the pots and pans and packed them in his back pack together with the rest of his stuff. They had decided to look for another place to camp, neither wanted to go home yet and Hutch was especially eager to explore the mountains. Starsky wasn't keen on more walking but he didn't want to disappoint his friend and pretended to be as eager as Hutch was to go on with their expedition.

Soon they were walking shoulder to shoulder without saying much but feeling totally at ease with each others company. It surprised them both that the silence didn't feel awkward and Hutch thought about that during their walk but even after hours of mulling over why he felt so at ease with the brunet he could not come up with a reason.

Starsky was having similar thoughts and he thought about it for a while but when he didn't come up with a reasonable explanation he let the subject rest and concentrated on his surroundings.

Around noon they were hungry and with a sigh of relief Starsky sat down on a tree trunk that had been blown down during the last storm. Hutch sat down beside him and opened his bag pack. "What's for lunch?" Starsky asked "or is there nothing left?"

"Well, we still have some fish from breakfast" Hutch was rummaging through the contents of his back pack and came up with a soda and the last candy bars, "And this" he held up his findings to show Starsky. The brunet grabbed a candy bar from Hutch's hand, unwrapped it and took a huge bite "Great," he mumbled around a mouthful, "I'm starving."

"Hey, leave something for me will you?" stunned, Hutch looked at Starsky. "You're not the only one who's hungry."

"Sorry, I couldn't stand it any longer. I need to eat regularly or I'll get grouchy and you wouldn't want that, would you?" He grinned innocently at his friend and tried to get hold of another candy bar. But Hutch quickly put his hand behind his back keeping the candy safe from his greedy friend.

"Come on Hutch, give me something more. It was just one lousy candy bar and that's not enough for me to keep on going you know."

The blond grinned "We share what we have Starsk so don't look at me with those begging eyes, it won't help you, you know. I have the food and I'll share it out."

"You don't even like candy," Starsky pouted "Why don't you go and find yourself some berries or something green?"

Hutch laughed "Oh, I will buddy, I will. But that doesn't mean you can stuff yourself with chocolate and soda. I'll see what I can find for the both of us so we can keep the candy for emergency food." He stood up and put the candy back in his back pack then took out the fish left over from breakfast and gave Starsky half of it. Starsky still sat on the trunk and scowled at Hutch "Who are you, my mother?" he asked but took the fish and ate it in two large bites.

"No" Hutch shook his head grinning "Just the guy who wants to keep you healthy. You should be grateful Starsk; it's for your own good."

"Yep, you're my mother in disguise. Creepy to hear her talk with a man's voice, yuck."

"Idiot."

"_You're_ the idiot Hutch, _you_ eat all that green stuff and health shakes with all kind of weird ingredients I don't even wanna think about, and you call me an idiot? Hmm, that strange food makes sure makes you weird, my friend."

"You should try it, buddy. It would do you a world of good." Hutch had finished his share of the fish and was ready to go and look for more edible things in the woods. It was something he loved to do; searching for food in the wild made him feel free and independent. He really wished that Starsky would go with him and experience the same feeling but the curly haired man was very clear about that "I'm not going with you Hutch, I'm tired and wanna take it easy for the time you're food hunting."

"Are you sure Starsk? It's great to pick your own food and…"

"No, really Hutch, I'm tired and I'll wait till you're back so that I'll have the energy to hike to our new camp site."

Hutch shrugged. "Suit yourself then, but you'll miss a lot of fun."

"That's okay; we'll have more fun later."

"Be right back." Hutch walked towards some bushes, and disappeared from Starsky's sight.

Starsky saw him leave and felt suddenly very alone. "Don't be an idiot Davey," he berated himself "Hutch'll be right back and if you're as clever as you think you are you'd better start looking for the candy bars." He grinned at his own words and emptied the bag where he thought the candy was in. Rummaging through the items on the sandy ground he hummed an unintelligible tune but his good mood soon turned into indignation when he couldn't find the sweets. Angry he emptied the other back pack but there were no candy bars either; the only edible item he found was the last can of soup. "Hutch, you sonofabitch! You took my candy!" he yelled and with an angry cry he threw the can against a nearby tree.

Shocked by his own anger he let himself slide onto the ground and wondered what had happened to him the last few minutes. Images flashed before his eyes and suddenly his surroundings changed and he was somewhere else. It was hot and humid and there was a smell of blood in the air that made him sick. Starsky jumped up to search for cover, knowing he was in enemy territory, and dove behind the first bush he could reach. He couldn't find his weapon 'must have lost it somewhere' he thought and with his arms over his head he lay there, facedown, waiting for something horrible to happen.

Hutch returned with his pockets full of berries and smiled, thinking at the brunet's behavior earlier that afternoon. 'I don't know what you've been through buddy, but somehow you managed to stay a kid deep down inside,' he thought, remembering the almost childish reaction of his friend when he didn't get more candy.

Still smiling he reached the place where he'd left Starsky behind and looking around for his friend he called "hey Starsk, where are you? I've got some goodies for you to eat." The last word hadn't left his mouth yet when he was attacked from behind and before he knew it he was on the ground face down and someone held him down whispering "Sshh! Keep quiet or they'll hear ya.."

"Starsk?" The stunned blond whispered back, "what's wrong? Who are they?"

"Quiet!" Starsky put his hand over Hutch's mouth to keep him from making a sound. "Shut up will ya?" Slowly he took away his hand from the other's mouth. "You gonna keep quiet now?"

Not understanding what was happening Hutch nodded and watched Starsky crawl carefully towards the bushes. When he noticed that his friend was still on the ground and showed no signs of following him, Starsky gestured for Hutch to hurry and confused he crawled towards the man he hardly recognized as the same person he'd left behind half an hour ago.

The moment he was within reach of Starsky, the brunet grabbed his arm and pulled him into safety behind the bushes. The haunted look in his friend's eyes told Hutch that something was terribly wrong; he only wished he knew what it was. "Hey Starsk" he whispered "what's the matter buddy?"

"Shh, they can hear you and if you don't shut up they'll kill us."

"Who'll kill us?" Hutch dared to whisper.

"The VC!"

'Oh my god, oh my god.' Hutch suddenly knew what was wrong with his friend 'he's having a flashback.'

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter** **10**

Hutch tried to think of something he could do to bring Starsky back to reality, but his mind would not come up with anything useful. Almost as frightened as Starsky, but for a different reason, he watched the man beside him going into soldier mode. The blond remembered the psychology classes in med school but they'd never discussed anything like this and there was nothing for him to recall from those days that he could use now. A few months back he had read about the problems a lot of veterans experienced after they'd come home and he was quite sure that what was happening to Starsky now had to do with his time in the army. He heard the soldier Starsky was at that moment, mutter some words he didn't understand 'must be Vietnamese' he thought but then he heard a very clear "Shit!" and Starsky let his head fall on his arms and cursed vehemently.

"Are you alright Starsk?" Hutch asked carefully, afraid that he might have interpreted the man's cursing totally wrong.

"I don't know" Starsky whispered his face still hidden in his arms "I'm not sure what happened."

"I'm not an expert buddy, but maybe you were back in Vietnam for a while."

Starsky didn't move, he just lay there trying to understand what had happened the past few minutes.

"How can I have been back in 'Nam?" He asked "I'm here ain't I? Or is this all a dream and am I still there?"

Hutch shook his head "No Starsk, this is real but I think you had a sort of nightmare. Maybe you fell asleep while you were waiting for me and…."

"No!" Starsky looked up now and shook his head vigorously "No, I didn't fall asleep, I was wide awake and…and suddenly I was back _there _and we were under attack and….I don't know," he finished lamely.

"Like I said Starsk, I'm not an expert but I would almost say that you had a flashback." Hutch formulated his theory very carefully, hoping not to scare his friend, and continued "You know, I read about this some time ago and it does make sense to me, what do you think?"

Starsky didn't answer; he looked at his hands that were still clawing into the dirt until he relaxed a little and sat up. Shaking his head as if to chase away the horrible scenes he still had in his mind he said "I don't know Hutch, never had it before …I think"

"You think?" Hutch asked surprised "I'd say if you had it before you must remember it, don't you think? It was more than just a bad dream."

"I know that!" Starsky snapped "I was there, remember?"

"Calm down Starsk" Hutch soothed "I know you were there buddy, I saw it and believe me, it scared the hell out of me."

The brunet snorted "Well, it scared the hell out of me too, pal. It did back then and it did just now."

Hutch was quiet for a moment, thinking whether he should say what he wanted to say and, deciding he _had_ to say it, he blurted out: "I think you need help Starsk, someone to talk to I mean, someone who knows how to deal with these things."

To his surprise Starsky didn't say anything and Hutch wondered if the man had heard one word of what he'd said, but then his friend shook his head. "I can't Hutch, I can't talk about it with anyone."

The sadness in Starsky's voice made the blond shiver and softly he asked "Why not Starsk? Those people have heard so many terrible things already; I don't think your story would be new to them. They can help you buddy and you need help. You can't do this alone."

Starsky hung his head in shame "This wouldn't be the average war story Hutch, they probably wouldn't believe a word I'd say, so please, don't make me do it."

Now Hutch was getting real worried and looking at Starsky from the corner of his eye he tried to reassure the smaller man "I won't _make_ you do anything buddy, I just want to help you. You can't go on like this, some burdens have to be shared you know."

"Ya don't understand Hutch. Some things you can't share with anybody, they're the load of shit ya have to carry the rest of your damned life!" The last words were cried out with so much despair that Hutch knew nothing else to do than to pull his friend in his arms in an effort to protect him from all the pain in the world. In the back of his mind he wondered why he felt so protective but it felt right and he let the thought go, after all he had a more urgent matter to take care of.

Starsky leaned into the embrace and felt the fear and confusion that had taken over his mind slowly disappear. In the back of his head a little voice asked why he felt safe now but he didn't want to think about it, just feeling it was enough right now.

"Starsk?" Hutch said softly, his chin resting on the curly head "we have to do something about this buddy; we can't just walk away from it. It won't disappear on its own, you know that don't you?"

Starsky nodded, touched by the blond's use of the word 'we'. "It's not your problem Hutch" he said "it's mine and I'll have to deal with it"

Hutch smiled "No Starsk, it is _our_ problem! We're gonna work together in the near future, remember? We are going to be the best damned cops this city has ever known and that's why it is our problem and it has to be dealt with before we can start cleaning the streets of Bay City."

Starsky smiled and looked up "If you were a girl I'd marry ya. Thanks Hutch, I'll go and talk to someone about this. They gave me names of therapists when I came home so I think it's happening to more guys," he shrugged. "Maybe it's worth a try"

"I'm sure it is buddy, I'm sure it is."

"Hutch?"

"What is it Starsk?"

"Don't tell anybody about this please. Nobody knows and if anyone at the force hears about it, I'm a goner for sure."

'_You sure would be'_ Hutch thought and asked himself if the New Yorker would be able to handle the ugly things they were certain to witness in Bay City, especially when they would be detectives. Shaking his head mentally he said "As long as you're gonna get help I won't say a thing, but Starsk if you skip one appointment I'm gonna blow the whistle on you." He felt his friend stiffen in his arms and added "Hey! I'll have to work with you eventually and even if we are working in different precincts now, I can't let you mess up things and let your partner down in dangerous situations because you'll freeze up or something like that."

A deep sigh was the only answer to that statement and Hutch knew he had made it clear to his friend that there was no other option; he had to get himself help and Hutch would support him every step of the way.

They sat there for a while, relaxing slowly and enjoying the peaceful sounds of the forest. Hutch was thinking of going back and somehow he wasn't surprised when Starsky said "I think we should go home Hutch, whadda ya think?"

"I was thinking the same thing Starsk. It will take us at least a day to get back to the car but because it's three o'clock already I think we'd better make camp right here and start early tomorrow morning. If you agree with staying here that is."

Starsky hesitated and looked around. It looked very peaceful now and he was tired. "Okay, that's fine by me. Let's pitch the tent and …" he yawned, the awful experience of that afternoon leaving him feeling tired and sleepy.

Hutch grinned "Looks like I'll have to take care of that, sleepyhead. Come on, on your feet buddy, I have a tent to pitch." Still laughing he watched Starsky stand up and when he was sure his fiend would not fall down he jumped on his feet and started to make their camp for the night.

It didn't take Hutch long to finish pitching the tent and getting everything in order for the night. He waited till Starsky was asleep before he took his fishing rod and went looking for a place to catch their dinner. He was still worried about what had happened earlier and he wasn't sure if he had done the right thing by promising he wouldn't tell anybody about the flashbacks. The thought of reliving your worst nightmare scared him and he could only try to imagine what Starsky must have felt that afternoon.

Not far from their camp he found a creek and, glad that he didn't have to go very far away from Starsky, he threw out the rod and waited for the first fish to bite. It took longer than that morning and impatiently he mumbled "Come on fellas, take a bite and come to daddy," but nothing happened and, to his dismay, the float stayed perfectly still. "I'll give you ten minutes guys, if you don't bite within that time I'll have to look for something else to eat."

Five minutes went by and Hutch was ready to give it up but the thought of chicken soup again made him wait a little longer. Sighing he stared at the bob and cursed under his breath when nothing happened. "That's it" he said "Nothing to catch here" Angry he pulled the rod out of the water and to his surprise a huge fish was hooked on it."I'll be damned. I caught you, beautiful fish, without noticing it. Come here, dinner." Happy with his prey he hastily returned to their camp where he found Starsky still asleep.

'Good, now I can fix us a meal that will even please you, sweet tooth' He smiled in contentment and started the preparations for their dinner. He made another trip to the creek for water and started to make coffee while the fish slowly turned crispy in the pan.

"Hey, I smell your perfect coffee" Starsky's sleepy voice caught Hutch by surprise.

"You're awake, sorry if I woke you up."

"Nah is okay. I slept enough for the afternoon I guess; besides I'm hungry and the coffee smells great."

Hutch poured him a cup and handed it over, laughing at the sight of a just woken up Starsky. "You look like you've been dragged through a hedge buddy; your hair is a mess."

Starsky shrugged and pushed his curls from his forehead. "Always the same story, it's a disaster you know, it never stays in place. You should see me in the morning."

"I did, remember, and you're right, that was even worse."

"Now we've discussed my hair don't ya think we could talk about something else. Like, what we're gonna eat."

Grinning Hutch pointed at the fish that was almost done and turned it over one more time. "I did it again Starsk, I caught our meal."

"Wow, that's a biggie, could ya manage to get it out on your own?"

"No problem pal, no problem at all" Strangely enough, Hutch felt proud of his accomplishment now Starsky seemed to be impressed by his catch. 'I won't tell you that it was pure luck' he thought, not wanting to lose his friend's admiration. 'You're a fool, Hutchinson' he berated himself but still didn't tell the true story about the fish.

"I'm starving Hutch, how much longer?"

"It'll be done in a minute, drink your coffee and then we'll eat."

There was a short silence when they both enjoyed the coffee but then Starsky asked "Do you believe in premonition?"

"What?" Hutch stared at him, perplexed by the question. "What do you mean?"

"Premonition, ya know, that things are meant to be, or arranged long before they happen or something like that."

"Why do you wanna know that?" Hutch had no idea where Starsky was heading with his question and he had no idea what to answer.

"Well, I've been thinking about us, how we met and how we seem to know each other better than we actually can ya know, " the brunet shrugged, a little unsure of what he wanted to say and how Hutch would react to his words. '_He'll probably laugh and call me crazy and maybe I am'_ but he couldn't deny the feeling that their meeting was more than just a meeting of two strangers. He looked at his friend through his dark lashes and tried to read the other man's face but couldn't see anything there.

Hutch was trying to find out his own feelings about their meeting and the almost instant connection they made after the first weeks of hostility. _'He could be right but how do I explain it? I don't think I ever heard of that before.'_

"Well Starsk, I really don't know but I must say there is something between us that I never felt with anyone. It's like I've known you before we actually met, we talked about that earlier, but I can't explain it."

Sighing with relief that Hutch didn't call the idea crazy, Starsky nodded "Yeah I know, I can't explain it either but no matter what, I'm glad we met."

"Not scared of the mumbo-jumbo?" Hutch teased, remembering the first time they had talked about it.

"A little, I guess" Starsky confessed "but if it's there it's there and I can't change it. But I don't want ya to read my mind 'cause that's very private."

Hutch chuckled "I don't think I wanna read your mind buddy, who knows what I might find there." He shuddered at the thought and laughed.

Starsky grinned. "It might surprise ya Hutch, could be the mind of a genius."

Still laughing Hutch turned his attention to the frying fish and seeing it was ready to be eaten he carefully picked it out of the pan and on to a plate. "Time to eat genius, here's your dinner."

"At last." Starsky took his share and started eating as if he hadn't seen food in days.

"Too bad I didn't find any mushrooms," Hutch said "Would have been great with the fish."

"Don't worry buddy, I'm happy with this fish as it is."

Hutch looked at the sky "Looks like rain Starsk, so maybe we should get into the tent as soon as we've eaten."

"T'riffic, that's all we need, rain in the mountains." Starsky looked up and saw the dark clouds come their way. "Shit, I hate that ya know, rain and storm in the outdoors. I should've had my head examined when I agreed to come with ya."

When the first drops of rain started to fall Hutch just had cleaned up the last items and joined his partner in the tent. By the time the rain turned into a real thunder storm both men were lying on their sleeping bags listening to the noise of the thunder and the falling rain.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The rain kept falling all night and at one point Starsky worried about the possibility of the tent floating away with all the water that came down. "Hey Hutch, are you sure we're safe here in the tent? I mean, what if the pegs don't hold or the tent gets blown away?"

"It's a strong tent Starsk, it survived enough rainstorms so far and I don't think it's a real rainstorm anyway."

"Not a rainstorm? It's raining cats and dogs and there's enough wind for me to call it a storm."

"Well, you're wrong then Starsk. It's not a storm, just a heavy wind. So go back to sleep will you."

"Go back to sleep," Starsky muttered, "I haven't closed my eyes yet. I guess I'll have to stay awake all night."

Hutch sighed and sat up, turning on the torch "There's no reason to be worried you know, it's perfectly safe here so please, please try to sleep."

"Is it okay to leave the torch on for a while?"

"For heaven's sake, if that'll make you feel better you can leave the damn torch on but not too long or the batteries will die and we don't have spare ones with us."

"Why not?" any opportunity to keep Hutch awake was fine by Starsky as long as he didn't have to suffer alone.

"Because we haven't!" Hutch tried to go back to sleep but knew that he wouldn't get the chance if Starsky decided go on about the batteries.

"That's stupid Hutch, ya always should have spare batteries with ya when ya're camping in the wild."

"Shut up Starsky! I wanna sleep and you should try to sleep too."

"But I can't sleep," Starsky whined, "I hate it when it rains and I'm really scared the tent won't hold up and we'll be floating away any minute."

"You can swim so you won't drown." Hutch turned his back to Starsky and closed his eyes.

"Dammit Hutch, I'm scared!"

That sounded urgent enough for Hutch to sit up again and look at Starsky who seemed to be really upset.

"Hey buddy, there's nothing to be scared of I promise. It's just rain, no storm and we're really safe here." He tried to see his friend's face but Starsky turned his head away from him, ashamed of showing his fear so clearly. "Can't help it Hutch, memories ya know," he whispered still hiding his face.

"Aw shit Starsk, I'm sorry I didn't think of that but there is absolutely no danger here." He didn't go on, he was distracted by a raindrop that hit his nose. "Shit! This can't be happening" he grumbled and looked up. Another drop hit his face and he knew they were in trouble.

"Huh, Starsk? Hm, I'm sorry and I hate to say this but the tent is leaking," he said carefully, but no matter how careful he tried to be the brunet jumped up as if stung by a bee.

"Whadda ya mean the tent is leaking? I told ya we weren't safe didn't I? What now, Mr. Nature lover?"

"Hey, hey, calm down will you? I'll set a pan under the drip and we'll be fine." He wanted to be more reassuring but at that moment Starsky bumped his head against the roof of the tent and a pan wasn't enough to keep the men dry. From at least six places raindrops invaded the tent and within minutes it was almost raining as hard inside as out.

"I told ya it wasn't safe "Starsky yelled and desperately tried to keep his clothes dry at least "But nooo, you wouldn't listen would ya? What now? Tell me what we're gonna do now, huh?"

Hutch wasn't able to say a word, he was laughing too hard and tears of laughter were rolling down his cheeks. He let himself fall back on the soaking wet sleeping bag and kept giggling uncontrollably.

"Stop laughing Hutch, it isn't funny." But seeing his friend totally helpless with laughter Starsky couldn't help it and started laughing too. Before he knew it he was lying beside Hutch giggling just as bad as the blond was."Stop……stop…." he hiccupped but that made it even worse. Both were soaking wet now and for some reason that made them laugh even more until they needed to breathe again and slowly they calmed down.

Wiping the tears from his face Hutch tried to get up but seeing the mess their tent was made him fall back laughing again. "Sorry……Starsk" was all he could say before another round of giggles hit him.

Starsky bit his lip hard to stop from laughing again but he couldn't manage to keep a straight face. Just looking at his friend was enough for more giggles and it took a long time before one of them was finally able to say something reasonable.

"Hey Hutch," Starsky was the first to try, "what're we gonna do now huh?" He refused to look at his friend afraid he'd succumb to another round of laughter and he really wanted to know what they were going to do about the mess they were in.

"Hm…..well" Hutch started, fighting to keep from laughing "I um ..I think we .. um well, we'll think of something."

"Jeez Hutch, I'm soak….."

"Don't say it Starsk, please….don't say it," the big blond begged, "I can't laugh anymore everything is hurting. Have mercy on me."

Grinning but refusing to let the giggles take over again Starsky picked up a wet t-shirt and threw it right in Hutch's face. "What are we gonna do about this?" he asked picking up another piece of dripping wet clothing. "I can't wear this now and there ain't no sunshine to dry it, sunshine!"

Hutch still lay giggling with the shirt on his face and his muffled voice was barely audible "I have no idea Starsk, let me think about it"

He sat up slowly and looked around to see what the damage was. "Wow, that's a real mess buddy. I don't think there's a dry item in here. What time is it?"

"Huh? What has that got to do with it?"

"I don't know," Hutch shrugged, "I just wanna know what time it is."

Starsky squinted at his watch but couldn't see anything. "Too dark, can't see a thing."

"Where is the torch?"

"Torch is dead." Starsky sighed. "Too much water does that to a torch."

"Oh well," Hutch stretched and yawned, "We can't go back to sleep anyway."

"No, and we can't pack our things 'cause they're wet. I could use a strong coffee now ya know."

"Water enough." Hutch deadpanned.

"That might be but where are the matches? No fire without matches although, no fire anyway I'd say." Starsky sighed. "Damn rain!"

"Aw Starsk, you have to look at the bright side of life. We're not blown away and we're not hurt, that's something to be grateful for don't you think?"

Starsky scowled at him but didn't answer. He sat down next to Hutch and heaved another deep sigh. "I'm not very happy about this Hutch.."

Hutch slung his arm around Starsky's wet shoulders. "I know, Starsk and I'm sorry it happened but we should make the best of it and as soon as it's light enough I'll go outside and see what we can do to get home as soon as possible."

"You think the rain will ever stop?"

"I'll tell you something Starsk, it _has_ stopped I think."

Hutch listened carefully but he couldn't hear the rain anymore, just heavy drops that fell from the tree branches and quickly he stood up to take a look. The tent floor was as wet as the ground outside but when he stuck his head through the tent opening he found that it wasn't raining anymore and saw the first signs of a new day.

"Hey buddy, it's morning already," he said "And it stopped raining."

"Hooray." Starsky grumbled "I can't wait to get away from here."

"I don't think we can leave this minute." Hutch answered, his head still outside the tent. "But we can see what dry clothes we have and change our wet things." He stepped back into the tent and tried to see where all their belongings were but it was still too dark to recognize anything.

"Maybe I can make a fire….but I just don't see how. Everything is wet even the matches;" he fished the matchbox from his pocket and looked disappointedly at the wet box.

Starsky was still sitting on his sleeping bag with his head in his hands "You think we're ever gonna laugh about this?"

"I'm sure we will Starsk but it could take a while before we're gonna see the funny side of all this…although..." he laughed, "I do remember we were laughing about it just a few minutes ago."

"That wasn't laughing, that was a nervous breakdown." Starsky grinned, his bad mood forgotten already.

He came to his feet and stuck his head outside "Hey, it's really morning" he turned around. "How long before we can see where we're going?"

"That depends" Hutch thought for a moment "When it is sunny it will be soon but when there are still clouds it'll take a little longer."

"You'll see it'll be cloudy." Starsky shrugged. "With our luck it'll probably rain the rest of the day."

"Nah, don't think so buddy, I can see the sun coming up" Hutch was outside already, taking a deep breath of the crisp morning air."Aah Starsk, come outside and feel the new day. It's great to breathe in the morning air you know."

"You're nuts Hutch, it's cold and wet and you'll see I'm gonna be sick before I've been a day back at work."

"You're such a wimp Starsk. Now come on and enjoy the new day."

Muttering Starsky stepped outside the tent and shivered. "It's really cold Hutch. I wanna go home and sleep in my own bed if you don't mind."

"Okay, okay, let's see if we can find some dry clothes and start packing. With a little luck I can get a fire started so I can make coffee, how does that sound?"

Starsky just nodded and together they searched for dry clothes in the wet mess in the tent. Surprisingly they found enough dry items to wear even though they didn't match and Starsky had to wear one of Hutch's shirts. Their shoes were still wet but they didn't have spare pairs so they were forced to put on the wet ones. It felt unpleasant but there was no alternative and both men kept quiet about it.

It turned out to be a beautiful day; the sun was shining as if there never had been anything like rain a few hours earlier. The two friends struggled to get their belongings in their back packs, and they were ready to leave. Hutch had tried to make a fire but the branches and the ground were too wet to succeed, so they went on their way without any breakfast.

It was difficult walking through the wet leaves and blown off branches and they progressed slowly. When the sun was strong enough to get the ground dried Hutch suggested taking a break and making coffee. They didn't have much to eat but coffee sounded heavenly to Starsky and immediately he dropped his back pack. "Finally," he almost cheered, "something to eat and drink."

Hutch grinned. "Not much to eat pal, just coffee I'm afraid." He was on his knees already trying to get the fire started. It took a while but then a small fire was crackling and the coffeepot was ready to be filled. Starsky was on his way to find water and when he returned Hutch started making his famous camping coffee. With the last three candy bars as lunch they enjoyed the coffee and when they finished their second cup Hutch said "We'd better go on right now don't you think? The sooner we reach civilization the sooner we'll be home."

Starsky agreed, more than ready to go home and a few minutes later they stumbled ahead, tired and hungry.

"How long do ya think before we're home?" They had walked for hours now and Starsky was fed up with the entire camping trip. "I'll tell ya this Hutch, this is the very last time I'll ever go camping with ya again. Or better, I'll never go on any camping trip with anyone again. I hate camping!"

"We just had bad luck this time Starsk, you'll see, next time it'll be great."

"What next time? No next time for me pal, not ever again."

Hutch shrugged and looked around.. "It's time to make camp buddy, it'll be dark soon."

"Our tent is still soaking wet, what are we gonna sleep in?"

"Well…" Hutch scratched his head "I think we'll be sleeping under the sky tonight."

Starsky stared at him with eyes as big as saucers. "Are you mad? I'm not gonna sleep in a forest without a tent. We can't even use our sleeping bags."

"It can't be helped Starsk, we can't keep on going without a rest and we need to eat you know."

"I hate this!" the brunet yelled but he only scared the birds "And I hate you!"

"You'll get over it."

"Why?"

"What why?"

"Why should I get over it?"

"Because you're a big boy and big boys get over stupid things like that."

"Jeez Hutch, you sound like my mother again."

"Well, that means your mom is a wise woman Starsk."

Muttering inaudibly Starsky sat down on a tree trunk and opened his back pack. "Yuck, everything is still damp dammit."

"I'll make a fire; maybe we can get some things dry enough to use tonight."

"Okay, let's give it a try. You make a fire and I'll get water for coffee since there's nothing else to drink anymore."

Working together as a team felt good to both men and in a minimum of time a fire was crackling and water was boiling. They found a last can of chicken soup and Hutch was busy making coffee and heating soup while Starsky hung up their wet clothes and sleeping bags over the tree branches that were strong enough to carry the load.

"I'm gonna lose weight." Starsky mumbled after they'd finished the soup "It's a perfect way of slimming, going on vacation with you."

Hutch grinned. "It's healthy to live in the wild and it's always a good thing to lose weight. You can't be too heavy when you're a cop you know."

"I'm not too heavy." Starsky protested "It's all muscle, no fat."

"If that's true then you'll only have gained weight with all the walking and no junk food. Muscles weigh too and maybe your muscles have grown with all the exercise."

"Always have a smart answer haven't ya?" Starsky chuckled "Have you always been a smart ass?"

"Yep," Hutch said with feigned dignity "Always."

"You wish." Starsky grinned "I bet ya were a little know- all when you were a kid, annoying the hell out of everybody."

Hutch chuckled "Could be, could be but you'll never know."

Starsky yawned "I'm tired and I wanna go to sleep. How are we gonna do that?"

"Close your eyes and sleep I'd say."

"Here, in the open? Can't we make a hut or something?" Starsky wasn't happy with the idea of camping under the stars.

"That would take too much time but if we arrange the sleeping bags over a few branches it could do as a roof."

The curly head lowered and with a sigh of resignation Starsky agreed. "That will have to do then but I'll have ya know that I'm not a happy camper."

Together they made a 'roof' with the sleeping bags and groaning they stretched out on the hard ground. They were asleep within minutes and slept undisturbed till the next morning.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"I love your car Hutch." Starsky sighed in contentment when they finally reached the place where they'd left the old, battered vehicle Hutch called a car.

"You do huh? I'll remember that buddy."

" We're finally going home. Home sweet home!" The brunet almost cheered with delight thinking about the safety of the city and being in his own place again.

"You wanna come to my place and eat something?" Hutch started the engine but all they heard was a click, no sound of a motor running.

"What the ….." Hutch tried again but nothing happened and angry he slapped his hand on the wheel.

"Stupid bloody car" he yelled "You still love my car Starsk?"

"Yeah, for the moment I do. It's dry and we're inside and that's all I need right now. But it would be nice if ya could get the thing on the road though."

"Dammit Starsk, I just had it fixed and now it's bailing out on me again. Must be the rain, too much rain always kills my engine."

"God, I hope not Hutch." Starsky grinned "It's gonna rain again one day ya know and I wouldn't like to bury ya in bad weather."

"What do you….oh." Hutch grinned back at his friend "Well, if you put it like that I'll rephrase it. It's killing my car, that better?"

"Yeah, much better. But ya know this car is a goner don't ya? Look at it this way, with all the money you're gonna spend on getting it fixed again and again and have already spent you could have gotten yourself a brand new Ferrari."

"I don't want a Ferrari; I want a car like this. I love this old thing, it suits me."

Starsky chuckled, "This heap suits nobody Hutch, it's ready for the graveyard. Hey, I know a place where ya can get a great car for little money."

"Yeah? Is it kosher?"

"Whadda ya mean is it kosher? Of course it is. Would I let ya buy a car that ain't kosher?"

"Well…"Hutch hesitated but then laughed. "No, I don't think you would. Now tell me where do I find this place and what's it gonna cost me?"

"It's my uncle Al's and with a little luck you'll get a great car with all the trimmings for ……….I don't know, but cheap. I can talk uncle Al into a good deal."

"Maybe I should go and take a look then but first we gotta get home and I'm afraid this car ain't gonna run anymore."

"Nope, I think you're right. How are we gonna get away from here? "

"We could try to hitch a ride at the main road."

"T'riffic" Starsky muttered "back into the rain again and catch my death, all thanks to your so called car."

"I'm sorry buddy but if we wanna get home some time today it's the only option."

Groaning Starsky opened the car door and got out of the car "It's all your fault ya know, you and your outdoor ideas. I'm never going on a trip with ya again."

They walked to the main road and waited for the first car to come by. It wasn't very busy, the rain kept most people inside but finally a truck came their way and they waved him to a stop. The truck driver turned out to be a gentle guy who was willing to take them to town, happy to have somebody to talk to. Grateful the two friends climbed into the truck and from that moment on there wasn't one second of silence anymore. The big man behind the wheel kept talking, not noticing that his two passengers didn't say a word and had fallen asleep.

It was late that afternoon when they finally arrived in Bay City and their driver woke them up. "Where do ya want me to drop ya fellas?"

"Oh...um...somewhere near a …..No wait, you know Huggy Bear's?" Starsky yawned and looked around; "hey, ya can let us out here."

"Sure can" the man said and stopped the truck next to the curb "You sure this is it?"

"Yep" Starsky nodded and jumped out of the truck with Hutch on his heels. "Thanks for the ride" he yelled and waved goodbye to the driver.

"Pleasure." the man answered and drove away, steering the truck back into traffic.

"Where are we now Starsk?" Hutch looked around but didn't recognize anything.

"Near my place. It's time you see where I live even if it's not for much longer."

"Hey, you're gonna move?"

Starsky nodded "Yep, got to get out of this dump and find myself a better place to live."

They were standing in front of a rundown house that desperately needed fixing up and a lot of paintwork.

"This _is_ a dump, you're right." Hutch looked as if he just had seen something gruesome "You gotta get out of here buddy and fast."

"You haven't even seen the inside yet" Starsky grinned "Maybe the better, I don't think you'd survive."

He opened the door and stepped inside a dark corridor with Hutch right behind him. It smelled awful and when Starsky suddenly stopped Hutch bumped in to him. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"I can't let ya see this Hutch, hell I can't even let myself see it anymore. Whadda ya think if we take a cab and go to your place? You got a decent home and tomorrow I'll be going house hunting."

Hutch shrugged, "okay, but let's hurry, I'm hungry."

Five minutes later they were on their way to Hutch's little house at the canal and when they arrived it was dark and still raining. Starsky paid the cab driver and Hutch hurried to open his door and put on the lights.

"Ah, this is much better." Starsky plopped down on the couch and sighed. "You got something to eat here Hutch? I'm starving ya know."

"I'll make us something, you want a beer?"

"Oh yes, I missed that …..And a lot more." he added softly so that Hutch couldn't hear him. "Let's order pizza, I'm in the mood for a huge pizza with everything on it."

"Well, okay but I want a veggie pizza, no meat and no fish or other weird stuff on it."

"That's no pizza, that's gross. Hutch after all this wildlife we had I at least deserve a decent pizza with all the good stuff."

Hutch grinned and picked up the phone to order the pizza. Looking at Starsky he ordered the biggest pizza they had and added "I'd like to have half of it with everything you can think of on it and the other half just vegetables. You think that's possible?" Listening to the answer he nodded "Okay, that'll be fine" and hung up.

Starsky looked grateful at him and smiled, "you're a good guy Hutch, thanks."

"Don't mention it pal, I wouldn't want you to starve."

The pizza arrived within fifteen minutes and they started eating with enthusiasm. Starsky wolfed down the first slice in world record tempo and Hutch stared at him in amazement. "Do you actually chew your food or do you just swallow it down?"

His second slice already half eaten Starsky answered around a mouthful, "I'm hungry, no time to chew."

"You're gonna give yourself an ulcer if you keep eating like this."

"Nah, don't worry, I've got an iron-clad stomach. Can eat everything without any trouble." The second slice was already gone and he took a swig from his beer. "Oh man, this is so good."

Hutch kept staring at his friend and forgot to eat himself. He'd never seen anybody eat that fast and he wondered if Starsky really never had stomach trouble.

"Hey, you're gonna eat that or do ya need help with it?" Starsky's voice brought him back from his reverie and grinning sheepishly he took a bite. "No, I can handle my half; don't need your help thank you very much."

"Okay," Starsky grinned back. "Just thought you needed help, that's all."

They ate and drank in silence and again Hutch wondered why he felt so at ease with the curly haired man who apparently had nothing in common with him. "Starsk, do you think that ….um … well…that ….shit… I don't know how to say this." Annoyed he shook his head and tried to think of a way to say what he wanted to say without being laughed at by his friend.

"Why don't ya just say what's in your mind right now?"

"Because it sounds so stupid when I say it." Hutch said, then took a deep breath before he went on. "I have a feeling that you and I are connected somehow. Don't ask me how or why 'cause I don't know that but the feeling is there." He hardly dared to look at the man sitting on his couch and a deep red crept from his neck to his face.

"Aaww Hutch, don't look like that! I'm not a fan of things I can't see ya know, but this ….thing we're both feeling don't scare me at all." He tried to see Hutch's face but the blond kept his head bowed still feeling embarrassed by what he'd said. "Hutch, would ya look at me please, I hate talking to the back of your head."

Still not sure what to expect Hutch raised his head and looked straight into the deep blue eyes that were focused on him. "That's better" Starsky smiled, "now tell me what do ya feel? A connection? Ya can't read my mind can ya?"

Hutch smiled back to his friend, grateful that he made it so much easier to talk about the strange things they both seemed to feel. "No, I can't read your mind but somehow I can sense …..or feel… what you are feeling or….I don't know."

"I know what you mean Hutch, we talked about it before remember? And to be honest, I don't care what we're feeling or not." He shrugged "Maybe there are things we'll never understand but as far as I'm concerned, I couldn't care less. No matter what our minds come up with, you're my friend."

"Thanks Starsk" Hutch whispered, "you're my friend too, as long as I live."

"Now we have that sorted out, could we please talk about something else 'cause I hate soapy scenes. Or better, ain't there a monster marathon tonight? I love monster movies, don't you?"

The end (for now)


End file.
